


Visits to the past

by Pearlislove, YOLO1882



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005), Sarah Jane Adventures
Genre: Doctor & Companion reunion, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2018-12-03 18:26:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 29,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11537943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YOLO1882/pseuds/YOLO1882
Summary: The 13th Doctor decides to go on tour and visit old companions.





	1. The Paternoster Gang

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is a collab woth the ever amazing Yolo1882 ❤
> 
> This fanfic will be about the 13th Doctor meeting up with old companions and friends from the series, and their reaction to The Doctor's new apprenace!

**Paternoster Gang**

 

Jenny hated laundry day. She hated collecting water and wetting the clothes and scrubbing away all the suspicious stains covering every single piece of clothing that Vastra owned, and yet she did it. Neither Vastra nor Strax were  safe enough  to even let close to a washing board, and as such, she had very little choice but to do it herself.

 

Today, all of it just seemed even worse somehow. The water was frigid cold and Jenny’s hands were already tired to the bone  from all the scrubbing and washing.. But nonetheless, Jenny was quite pleased, the mundane task giving her a chance to relax and let down her guard as she never did normally.

 

As she was coming up to their backyard with a new bucket of water, she suddenly caught on to a shadow sneaking into the garden, hiding among the laundry hanging out to dry. Carefully, holding up the bucket of water she was carrying, Jenny followed carefully after them,  dodging  through the maze of laundry until finally, they came out at the back of the house, and she threw all the water over the intruder.

 

“GAAH!” The intruder screamed as the water drenched her, her hood falling off her head as she turned to face Jenny. She was a woman in her mid thirties with blonde hair and big brown eyes which were wide in fear. “Jenny! It's bleeding cold!” While the woman was entirely unfamiliar in appearance, her whiny voice was more recognisable, and in a short, sudden moment, Jenny realised what had happened.

 

She had drenched  _ The Doctor _ in ice cold water.

 

“Doctor! Since when are you a  _ female!? _ ” She didn’t want to be rude, but there was a -admittedly quite attractive - woman standing before her and somehow she was supposed to be The Doctor.

 

For a moment, the woman seemed confused, but then she suddenly burst out laughing. “Time Lords typically change gender every few regeneration. Honestly, it's damn stubborn luck that I’ve remained a man all this time. Did Vastra not tell you?”

 

At the mention of her wife, Jenny suddenly felt herself pailing. How would  _ Vastra  _ react about this? “VASTRA! Come out here  _ now _ !” She screamed, unable to control herself and feeling as though she could not face this without her wife. It was all too much to fully process. 

 

The door of their house leading out into the backyard was flung open within minutes to reveal a rather drowsy lizard woman, as Vastra was still dressed in only her nightgown and furry slippers which were her typical Sunday morning attire. 

 

“Jenny, darling, whatever are you shouting about so early in the morning?” Vastra slurred slightly in her half sleepy state, wiping away the remaining crust from her eyes. Her eyes soon grew large as saucers when she was able to properly focus her vision upon the female stranger standing in their backyard. “Doctor! You...You’ve regenerated!”

 

“How the hell did you recognise hi-- _ her- _ \- immediately?!” Jenny exclaimed, looking over at her undressed wife. She certainly had not recognised the woman, so how had Vastra?

 

“Perhaps she’s a little more open to change, my dear?”The Doctor suggested carefully smiling. 

 

“Change? Change?! I live with and is married to a bloody  _ lizard _ from the dawn of time who’s best friend is a time travelling  _ alien _ who can apparently change  _ gender _ !” Jenny replied, trying so very hard not to start screaming again because it was not helping anyone at all. But not being open to change? She was not sure anyone could be  _ more  _ open to change than herself! Then turning her head toward Vastra, she firmly ordered, “You, explain,  _ now _ !”

 

The Silurian instantly removed her gaze from the newly regenerated Time  _ Lady  _ in order to sheepishly smile at her wife as she walked over to them. “It’s really quite simple, my dear, for the Doctor is my most oldest friend,” Vastra began speaking calmly. “I have known him long enough to recognize him, or _ her _ in this case, no matter the face he wears.” 

“She, Vastra. I’m a female” The Doctor commented softly.

 

Vastra cast a knowing glance at the Doctor and whispered back in response, “Oh, just you wait until  _ Strax  _ sees this new form of yours.” 

 

At this, The Doctor showed an expression of horror. “Oh no, not Strax! I mean, he...he’s a  _ potato _ ! A potato who doesn't understand the concept of gender!” 

 

“I highly doubt he’ll even notice that you’ve turned from male to female,” Vastra scoffed in agreement with her friend. She also couldn’t help but curiously scan the Doctor’s new body from head to toe, and flirtatiously remarking, “Perhaps now Jenny will finally believe me when I said you are rather attractive.”

 

“Oi! Remember who you're married to!” Jenny smacked Vastra's arm, hard, warning her that she was in on a dangerous game. 

 

“I was merely making a scientific observation, darling,” Vastra promised as she smiled lovingly at Jenny and took one of her hands into her own. “Trust me, the Doctor will never be close to attractive as you. Besides, we are  _ both _ married women, aren’t we Doctor?”

 

Both Vastra and Jenny stared questioningly at the Doctor, wondering if she still remembered being married to River Song at all.

 

Hearing River Song being mentioned, a frown passed over The Doctor’s face, but she nodded slowly. “I...She...We...yes. We're married still. More than once.” The Doctor wasn’t quite sure if she wanted to tell them that River Song was dead, and therefore it could not technically count as her being married, and therefore settled with  the easiest version of the truth.

 

The other two women exchanged a similar glance before nodding in acceptance, seemingly satisfied with that answer.

 

“Well now that you’ve properly introduced yourself, Doctor, I believe there is something my wife would like to say to you,”spoke Vastra warmly while nudging Jenny in the ribs, hoping that she’ll get hint. 

 

“Ah, yes, well...uh” Jenny paused, closing her eyes briefly and taking a deep breath. “You look stunning, Doctor. Really, I love your hair and yours eyes and just...everything. And If I’d known it was you, I wouldn't have poured water over you either.” She closed her mouth, thinking she said enough that The Doctor should get the message.

 

The Doctor smiled softly, seeing Jenny struggle as she apologised for accidentally drenching her. “It’s alright. I really thought you’d see me when I came in, and recognise me. I'm still not used to looking different. Really, it was just fair.”

 

At this, Jenny couldn’t help but blush, embarrassed that The Doctor was excusing her actions and arguing why it had been  _ alright  _ that she poured ice cold water on The Doctor. “No, really, Doctor, I’m sorry. I really shouldn't have done what I did and it is in no way your fault at all.” She smiled, glancing back at Vastra and hoping she was happy too.

 

Jenny instantly regretted it because Vastra was wearing that special, irritably smug smirk on her face that told her the Silurian was never going to let her forget this scenario.

 

“So...um...Vastra, you sure aren’t dressed for a day outside the house, are you?” The Doctor commented awkwardly, narrowing her eyes at Vastra’s lazy outfit. “Fits you though. The pink complements your scales.”

 

Now it was Jenny’s turn to grin proudly, since it was her who had bought the nightgown for Vastra, despite her apparent dislike for the color pink.

 

Hearing the Doctor’s comment caused Vastra to become a darker shade of green, and she cleared her throat before gesturing towards the house. “Yes...err, perhaps it will be best if we continue this conversation inside the house. It would seem that we have a lot to catch up on, Doctor.” Her embarrassment quickly disappeared as she smiled happily at her old friend. 

 

“Of course. It would be a pleasure!” The Doctor grinned broadly in return, walking alongside Vastra and Jenny towards the door.

 

They didn't make it very far before a distant booming explosion rocked the house from within, closely followed by the sound of a particular Sontaran screaming ‘Sontar-Ha’!

  
Jenny and Vastra collectively groaned in annoyance while the Doctor sighed, “Well, it's nice to see that some things hasn't changed, at least.”


	2. Martha Jones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martha Jones meets The Doctor once more. It is not what she expected.

**Martha Jones**

 

“Miss Jones! There's a woman asking specifically about you in the waiting room at the ER"

 

Looking up from the paperwork she’d been filling out for another patient, Martha glanced over at the young nurse standing in the doorway. He looked fidgety and nervous, and Martha decided it might be best if she just went along with him.

It wasn’t like she had much else planned for the last two hours of her shift, anyway.

“Alright Patrick, let’s go check out your little special patient. ER you said? Got the check in paper?” She stretched out her hand expectantly, smiling as two sheets of paper landed upon the palm of her hand.

 

“Uh, her name is Joan Smith and she’s 32. She refused a basic exam, saying she got conditions which makes it so that only doctors previously familiar with her can determine her health? Admitted to a broken arm and bruised ribcage, though she wouldn't tell how it happened." Patrick explained, apparently none the wiser about this mysterious woman

“And then she requested _me_?” Martha asked, just to be sure. Something about the description of the woman rattled her stomach, and hadn’t she known she was stuck in the ER and apparently dependent on Martha helping her she would have told Patrick to find someone else. Besides, bruised ribs and a broken arm was quite bad injuries and needed to be looked over as soon as possible. Even if it made her feel uncomfortable, she had to do what was best for the patient.

When she came into the ER, she was immediately directed over to a tall blonde haired woman in a blue coat. Though she did not recognise the woman in the slightest, the woman immediately rose to her feet upon noticing her, and Martha noticed the way she held her left arm against her stomach with the help of her right arm. Obviously, it was the arm that she admitted to have broken.

"Martha Jones." The woman smiled.

Deciding that since the woman seemed to recognise her well enough, the best course action was to play along for the time being. Stretching out a hand, Martha smiled too. “Hello Joan. Nice to see you again. As you remember, I am Doctor Martha Jones.”

“Nice to see you again indeed” Joan answered, grabbing Martha’s hand with her unhurt one. “Though as you _might_ remember, I _do_  prefer to be called The Doctor.”

The moment the woman’s words passed her lips, it was as everything just stopped for Martha. Then, suddenly, time rewinded. Instead of a blond woman she was standing in front of a brown haired man, and she was saying goodbye. Goodbye to adventures and other planets and amazing experiences, but also goodbye to grief and anger and so many unshed tears.

The worst and best moment of her life, the decision she always reevaluated but never regretted.

And now, The Doctor had brought it back to her doorstep, looking like a woman and pleading for her help, proving that even after all this time, she was one of the few people he - or she, now - trusted.

“And yet, you need a Doctor yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos & commens are appriciated <3


	3. Jo Jones (né Grant)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Compliant with Sarah Jane Adventures

**Jo Grant**

 

“Oh my...I...I never knew you could change  _ gender _ !” Jo gasped, staring at the woman standing on her doorstep. Out of all the people she had expected to show up at the doorstep of her temporary housing that morning, The Doctor was surely the last of them -  even more so as a  _ woman _ . She hadn’t even known such a thing was possibly for his species!

 

The Doctor smiled sheepishly. “Yes, well… regeneration is a lottery, as I believe I told you at some point. Our entire bodies are reformed to something new, like building blocks being rearranged, and sometimes it affects more than just our appearance. Sometimes, the building blocks get a new coat of paint.” 

 

“Well, that's a nifty little trick, isn’t it? Sure know a few times that could have been useful…” Jo Smiled fondly, stepping aside to let The Doctor into her house. “Well, look how we are talking! I haven't even asked you to come in yet! And don’t try not tricks on me, I insist you stay for tea!” Quickly and efficiently she ushered the Time Lady inside, forcing her into the small hallway leading to the living room.

 

“Thank you, Jo, really...but I’m afraid I’m a little too moody to be good company…” The Doctor tried to protest weakly, stepping inside and removing her coat and boots either way, entirely pacified by Jo’s commanding voice.  _ Just like in the old days _ she mused.

 

“Nonsense! You were never good company back in the 70s and I still toughened it out, didn't i?” Jo rebutted, closing the door behind The Doctor and following her into the livingroom, guiding her down into the plush sofa - the only piece of furniture in the sparsely decorated room that was somewhat comfortable to sit in for any extended period of time. “Now tell me what got you moody, and if you say you caused some ruckus and had the Time Lords stranding you here again I might just beat you!” She wagged a finger at The Doctor, smirking playfully, fully aware that she’d never beat The Doctor.

 

Hearing this, however, The Doctor blushed bright read, glancing down at her lap and fiddling with the sleeve of her hoodie. “Well, as you are aware I am a woman now, and that means that...Ah I…” She gulped, audibly sighing as she finally exposed the embarrassing fact. “I’m on my period.”


	4. Sarah Jane Smith and The Brigadier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode takes place shortly after the SJA episode Enemy of the Bane in Sarah Jane and The Brigadier's timelines, but does not refer to it.

**Sarah Jane Smith and The Brigadier**

 

It was a perfectly normal day in the Smith household. Luke was off with Rani and Clyde doing god knew what, while Sarah Jane was satisfied to just be working on cleaning up her garden, holding a quite conversation with one of her oldest friends as she worked.

 

“Sarah, have you seen The Doctor recently? It's been ages since I saw him last! He always promise to come around but…” Alistair sigh, leaving the sentence hanging in the air, unfinished.

 

“But he never does! Oh, I know! He does the same to me...Keeps pushing forward every meeting like it's our last. It’s almost seems as though he thinks that he will meet some sort of quota if he spend too much time with us.” Sarah filled in, sighing too as she rose from her sitting position among the roses to go get the garden hose.

 

“The Universe cutting off The Doctor’s supply of friendship, now that would be something!” Alistair scoffed, finding the idea preposterous yet somehow possible. Nonetheless, Sarah did have a point in The Doctor’s tendency to stall. Yet to this day he could not anticipate which Doctor was to show up at his doorstep, the first one he met as likely as the latest for all the planning and considering The Doctor usually did before flying off.

 

“Well I does hope he know that we're always there for him…” As Sarah turned back around, hose in hand, she suddenly saw something moving in the bushes behind the bench upon which Alistair was seated.  Alarmed, she slowly started to approach the bushes.

 

“Sarah? Is something wrong?” Despite his protesting limbs, Alistair was up on his feet within the minute, turning to look the same way as Sarah and noticing how the bushes kept rustling every few minutes, too.

 

“It’s fine Alister, it's probably just some...some animal.” Raising the hose even higher and gripping the trigger tightly, Sarah prepared to spray down whatever came in her way as the bushes moved once more. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Alistair gripping his cane more tightly, too, and knew he would help her fight. “Come out of the bushes whoever you are! We are armed and ready to attack!” She didn’t really mean it, and did not expect a human to come out of there, but she said it anyway, just in case there was some pervert sneaking around in the bushes.

  


Because of this, she was completely shocked as a woman in a heavy blue coat came tumbling out of the bushes, hands over her blonde hair, and out of pure surprised she clicked the trigger and activated the garden hose, unintentionally drowning the woman in cold water.

 

“Oh my...oh my...oh god this is cold!” The woman exclaimed, trying to shake off water like a wet dog as she stood shivering on Sarah Jane’s lawn. “Why in the world would you do this, when I did exactly as you asked! I didn't deserve this!” Her voice was high pitched and whiny, and she looked at Sarah with big, brown puppy dog eyes the accusation and feeling of betrayal clear, though perhaps a bit exaggerated. “I really thought you were nicer than that, Sarah!”

 

As the stranger said her name, she could hear Alistair taking a deep, hitching breath, as though he had just realised something of vital importance. She didn't think much of what he might have realisied, though, all too wrapped up in her own thoughts to care.

She knew there could only be one person who would recognise Sarah on the spot but did not look like anyone she knew.

 

“Oh bloody hell, Doctor, that wouldn't be you, would it?”  Alistair’s sudden exclamation brought Sarah out of her thoughts, and with a startled she realised that he was absolutely right.

 

It was so obvious. As Alistair pointed it out she could see the Doctor, her Doctor, the familiar Doctor, looking back at her in those deep dark eyes. Even though the body was new, it was still so obviously him, and she smiled.

 

“I’m very sorry Doctor, if I’d known it was you, I wouldn't have sprayed you down.” Dropping the hose in surrender, she grabbed Alistair by the arm and started leading him back to the bench. Though he said nothing, she could tell he was getting troubled by his aching legs. As she moved, she could hear The Doctor following behind them, boots stomping against the ground.

 

“Yes, well, I suppose it's partly my fault as well, dear Sarah. I am not yet quite accustomed to my own appearance, and to be honest you are not first to drench me because of it, either. I should really stop sneaking up on people.” The Doctor frowned, trying to brush away some water from her coat with little success. Sighing, she looked back up at her friends and smiled. “It is very good to see you again, though! I have, will and am missing you a lot!”

 

“Well now Doctor, you know you are more than welcome to come visit a little more often. Both me and Sarah are quite free and would truly appreciate it. Wouldn't we?” Alistair looked at Sarah, and she nodded, agreeing. She didn’t want to say it out loud, didn't want to pressure The Doctor, knowing very well it could make him more elusive and sparse than ever before, yet she still agreed. _She did want to see him more often_.

 

However, hearing this, a sudden sadness seemed to sweep over The Doctor, and she sat down heavily beside Alistair on the bench.

 

“I understand how you feel, old friends.” She smiled, but the sadness remained. “But I am afraid that visiting more often than I already am will prove hard. Our timelines are so tangled up, I’m surprised I could find a good place to land in the first place. It gets harder every time.” The Doctor looked down at her long, manicured nails. They were painted in a fresh TARDIS blue colour that glittered in the sunlight. “So, what do you think, then? Like my new body?” The Doctor still refused to meet their eyes,  but there was a smile spreading across her face, and Sarah could tell that she liked it a lot herself.

 

“Well, it's certainly a bit odd, seeing you like this, but I think I’ll survive. You’ve certainly looked worse.” Alistair commented fondly, a little bit of cheek in his voice as he wrapped his arm around The Doctor, hugging his old friend close.

 

“Thank you, Alistair. I must say I agree. And you, Sarah? Good enough for you old girl?” As she freed herself from Alistair, The Doctor looked at Sarah Jane, the intensity of The Doctor’s gaze almost too much for Sarah to handle as she looked at her with those deep, dark eyes. It was obvious what The Doctor wanted her to say, but she was not sure what she really felt.

 

“You look amazing, Doctor. You always do.” Finally, she sat down beside The Doctor and Alistair, smiling. Finally, she admitted she like d her new apperance. Because it was the truth. In the end it didn’t matter what she thought of The Doctor’s new appearance. It never did. What mattered was that _The Doctor_ was comfortable and _loved_ being him or herself, because then,  and only then, could she be the person they all loved.

 

And even though Sarah Jane said very little, The Doctor seemed to understand, drawing them both in for a group hug and holding them tight. Sitting in the sun and hugging two of her oldest friends, The Doctor decided that these little visits to the past that she’d decided to do had been a good , no, a marvelous idea.

Never had she felt more loved and respected by those she loved the most. And In times of great change, that was truly all The Doctor needed. Some love and respect.


	5. Barbara and Ian Chesterton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian is really not in this chapter, so he might return later, but for now, enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is canon compliant with the facts stated About Barbara and Ian in the SJA episode 'The Death of The Doctor'

**_B_ arbara and Ian Chesterton**

 

The Doctor walked down the streets, carefully keep her eyes peeled on her phone and the map marking her journey to her destination in blue lines, indicating every new street she needed to go down with an insistent beeping noise, warning her when she got of course.

 

As she continued to walk, she focused intently on the device, unfamiliar with the area and unwilling to get lost. In fact, she focused on the device and the tiny map on it so to the point that she did not see where she was going, only looking up from it as she felt a soft mass running headfirst into her legs.

 

Confused and shocked, she stumbled backwards, trying to steady herself and failing as she instead fell upon the ground.  Her  head bounced hard against the concrete, and the world was sent spinning like a carousel going much too fast. Trying desperately not to throw up on top of it all, The Doctor groaned, rolling over on her side on the sidewalk.

 

“Grandfather! Grandmama! Heeelp” Vaguely, as if from a distance, she heard the voice of a child desperately calling out for its relatives. Instinct told her to find it, to track down the child make sure that it was okay, but things were much too blurry and the nausea too strong for her to even attempt sitting up. Instead, she remained where she was, letting a comfortable darkness soon claim her as she fell unconscious. 

 

* * *

“Hey, sleepyhead, waking up now?” A soft and terribly familiar voice guided The Doctor back to conscious. Even disoriented and confused and with her eyes still closed, it felt so familiar to her ears, that she was sure who was going to face her as she woke up. Beautiful, beautiful Barbara Wright.

 

For just a moment, as her eyes remained closed and all she knew was that sweet voice, she was an old man again, traveling in space and time with his granddaughter and her teachers.

 

Due to this conviction, this certainty that dhd knew who was waiting for her, her shock was even greater as she opened her eyes and it actually was Barbara Wright starring down upon her. Barbara was older, more middle aged than the young woman she had first learned to know, but still undeniably her. Everything from clothes to hair to those kind dark eyes seemed to be almost exactly the same.

 

“Aaah!” The scream slipped out of her mouth before she knew it, the hold world wobbling as she tried to sit up, panic bubbling inside her and tears burning in her eyes as she felt the fight and flight reflex kicking in.  She couldn’t stay, she couldn’t face it, she couldn’t, she shouldn't, she wouldn't! She just had too…

 

“Schh, take it easy. Everything is perfectly alright.” Despite her own unsteadiness, The Doctor  was ready to jump to her feet and run at any given moment, the only thing stopping her being the strong, firm hands placed on each of her shoulders. Slowly, Barbara sat down beside The Doctor, her hands still in place on her shoulders, gently guiding The Doctor back to a lying position. “Everything is fine. You hit your head and passed out after running into my grandson, so we took you into the house. No need to be scared.” Her voice was calm and slightly demanding, the voice of a teacher trying to explain something to her pupils. 

 

A smile crept up on The Doctor’s lips without her being able to stop it. Thousands of memories of Barbara using that teacher voice on her before flashed through her mind, and warmed her from the inside out.

 

Seeing her smile, Barbara smiled too. “See, now that's more like it. I can understand the waking up was a bit stressful, but if you are feeling alright, we won't  keep you much longer. We got your phone and your coat, and you can be on your way whenever you wish. Did you come here to the area for anything special?” She smiled kindly, and now The Doctor was sure that this was  _ most definitely  _ **her** Barbara Wright. She simply believed Barbara to be so unique that there couldn’t be anyone this similar to her in the world.

 

“I was looking for a couple, some old friends of mine who I believe live in this area. I was trying to use google maps to find them, which is why I bumped into your grandson.” The Doctor explained, blushing a little at the last part as she felt a bit embarrassed over what had happened. “You don’t think you might know them?”

 

“Oh! Well, I know most people around here so...what are their names?” Barbara looked a little surprised, but nodded along all the same.

 

At this, The Doctor smiled slyly, before faking a look of deep thought. “Oh, that’s the tricky part! You see, when I knew them they weren't dating, and now I heard they married and she took his last name, but I never was any good at remembering what that was. I think it was...oh it must have been...” She paused for dramatic effect, closing her eyes with a look of deep concentration, before opening them again and smiling. “It must have been Chatterton. Or maybe Cheserton? Chesterton? I never learned.” She sighed again, shaking her head. “The girl used to be named Wright, though. Barbara Wright and Ian Chatterton. You wouldn't happen to know who they are, hmm?”

 

At this, Barbara's look of surprise was even bigger, a hand coming to cover her mouth. “Oh...but...but that's my name! I am Barbara. And it's Chesterton, by the way, our last name. Barbara and Ian Chesterton. It's funny, because we had this friend once who never seemed to learn Ian’s last name...he’d always get it wrong! Refused to call Ian his first name, and then used the wrong last name...Sometimes even on purpose, I think” She pause, a look of bittersweet nostalgia on her face. “His name was John Smith. He seemed to make a game out of...out of…” Barbara never finished the sentence, because suddenly there was a look of wide eyed shock and understanding on her face, and she abruptly turned to face her guest. “You are The Doctor.” It was not a question, but a statement. She didn’t look particularly happy, but not particularly cross, either. It was as though she was stuck somewhere between happiness and anger, trying to decide what to think.

 

The Doctor, on the other hand, smiled brightly, her happiness no less diminished by Barbara’s indecisiveness. “That, I am! I did wonder how long it’d take to figure it out... if I just gave the right clues. But it didn’t take you long time, now did it? Hmm?” She hummed, pleased with herself as Barbara’s facial expression lightened considerably.

 

“Well, I am very happy that you came to visit. Even if it’d have been better if you didn't run into one of Susan’s boys.” She smiled apologetically.

 

“Susan?” This piqued The Doctor’s interest, and she straightened a little, sitting more correctly on the couch.

 

“One of mine and Ian’s children. We named her after your granddaughter. The little girl who ran around calling you ‘grandfather’?” She laughed, quite sure that The Doctor remembered her own grandchild but reminding her all the same.

 

“Speaking of which” The Doctor showed off a wolfish grin. “You have yet to comment on my new body!” She gestured excitedly down to her bosom and young, curvy body. 

 

Raising an eyebrow, Barbara  couldn’t help but let out a quiet giggle. “Oh Doctor! Even if your a woman now, you still look as handsome as ever! After all, somewhere deep inside, you are still the old man we knew, are you not?”

 

Now it was The Doctor’s turn to look surprised. She had expected Barbara to be surprised, and to have a million questions to ask her, but she’d taken it all with stride - something that was definitely new and definitely different from the Barbara she’d used to know. “Oh. Well, yes, I suppose I am. Same person, different shell.” The Doctor tried to seem positive, but couldn't quite quell her disappointment and confusion at Barbara’s lacking reaction.

 

“Doctor, please. Don't be worried, I am still the same woman you knew...but a lot has changed in these past fifty years, and so have we.” Seeing The Doctor’s disappointed expression, she sighed heavily, before looking up at him again and offering a weak smile. “And as you might see, some things have changed less than they should. I and Ian don't age, Doctor. At least not much...it takes us years to come to the effect of aging but a year for a normal human.” She smiled, again, a little more genuine. “We figured it was the broken Dalek machine that took us home which caused it. Let's just say the shock of figuring out that we have a life span probably stretching hundreds of years now has done much else in this world...redundant. Including every kind of questioning as to  _ why  _ you would be a woman, of all things.” 

 

Hearing this, The Doctor felt her entire face split into a huge grin, her eyes lighting up with interest. “You’re...you don’t age? At all?” All had she forgotten about her disappointment at Barbara’s lacking reaction to her being a woman now. All her focus was on Barbara and the shocking details she had just revealed.

 

Barbara laughed again, even more excited by The Doctor’s excitement. “We age, Doctor! Just very, very slowly. You see…” Barbara was about to continue telling The Doctor about their experience with  being - almost - ageless, but was interrupted as the front door opened, another voice booming throughout the house.

 

“Barbara! I am home!” Ian Chesterton’s voice cut through the air like a knife, and The Doctor immediately felt his inside warming at the familiarity of it all. 

 

Deciding to pay the Chestertons a visit, she decided, was her best idea yet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos & comments pls! <3


	6. Romana (dvoratrelundar) & Irving Braxiatel pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor visiting Romana(dvoratrelundar) & Irving Braxiatel (her brother, for those uninformed). This is pt 1, the meeting with Irving Braxiatel, and pt 2 will be with Romana. There is a reason they are not separate chapters and it will soon be obvious.

**Romana(dvoratrelundar) and Irving Braxiatel pt 1**

 

Taking a deep breath, and pulling the hood of her red and gold dress further down over her face, The Doctor tried to calm her racing hearts. For the second time in a relatively short amount of time, she was standing in front of the door to a house belonging to someone she used to know. Used to love, even, she could admit. 

 

And it had her terrified.

 

Knocking on Josephine Jones door had been nothing compared to working up the courage to knock on the door of the Lady President Romanadvoratrelundar of Heartshaven’s personal living quarters.

 

In her mind’s eye, The Doctor could still see her, the last time they had met. The maturity he’d forgotten she was capable of marking the clearly older face, scars and bruises helping give the once soft and carefree features an hard and aggressive look. She’d looked the same, she knew, older and more worn out than ever before, and a war traitor to boost.

 

It had been the last thing he’d done, before he stole The Moment and left. Going to see the two of them and hoping they were the last he’d see. He’d felt powerless in front of what was waiting for him, and wanted go down with the image of two of the persons he loved the most infront of his inner eyes.

 

It hadn't worked, she had survived for billions more years, and now she was back. So close but so far away, too afraid to knock and meet her destiny. So she remained, trying to collect her nervous and her racing heart and school her face into something even remotely neutral, but it was useless.

 

Too aware people were staring at her suspiciously, The Doctor decided that it was now or never. She set three rapid knocks on the door, crossing her fingers and hoping for the right person to answer. 

 

But the footsteps heard on the other side of the door was too heavy, and with a startled The Doctor remembered that the esteemed Lady President did not live alone. This, of course, she had already known for long, but she had pushed it to the depths of her subconscious, nervous enough facing  _ just  _ Romana and not needing the additional stress of considering the fact that she was most likely meeting someone else too.

 

“Doctor?”

 

The door opened, and there he stood in his full glory. Irving Braxiatel, the brother of The Doctor. Of course, no one but the two of them remembered that he  _ was  _ the brother of The Doctor, but it didn’t change the facts. 

 

“Braxiatel.” She smiled, as bright as she possibly could, which wasn't really very bright at all, silently judging her brother’s appearance, just as he was hers.

 

Finally, it broke for both of the two siblings, and before The Doctor knew what was happening, she was in his arms. Her fingers with the long manicured nails dug into the blue and silver fabric of his robes - a robe too nice to be meant for anything else than him participating in an important meeting - and she wanted to cry as she felt how fiercely he hugged her back.

 

“Doctor...oh, brother, what have you done?” His voice is low and rumbling, like thunder, and she could feel hot water splattering on her shoulder. She wanted to tell him that it was alright, that it was not what it looked like, but she couldn’t lie to her brother and so she said nothing. She simply settled with continuing to cling to him as though her life depended on it, letting him guide them both inside the house without letting go, the door soon falling closed behind them.

 

Only once they were inside, did the two separate, awkwardly standing opposite one another and trying to forget what they just did.

 

“So...uh...did I come at a bad time?” She asked carefully, gesturing to the expensive blue and silver robes, her own worn out red and gold ones paling in comparison.

 

Braxiatel looked down at it, surprised, as though he’d forgotten what he was wearing. “To be honest, I am more surprised you came at all.” He shook his head in disbelief. “But to answer your question, no, it is fine. I got a few hours more before I should be at the citadel. Your friend Ohila’s stirring chaos, I hear.” He looked up at his sister, smirking. Braxiatel knew The Doctor was possible the only Gallifreyan that held the complete trust of the Sisterhood of Karn, and had she been around more, she would most likely ended up a diplomat and constant medlar between them and Gallifrey. 

 

The Doctor smiled too, looking around her in an attempt to avoid meeting her brother’s eyes. “When is she not? Ohila is a priestess of the Sisterhood. She hates the Gallifreyan government as much as me, if not more.” She commented, before falling silent, the air between them thick enough to cut with a knife.

 

Finally, Braxiatel felt as though he had to express one of the thoughts burdening his mind. It was heavy, like a stone resting in his chest and dragging him down every second. “Your a woman now.” He doesn't say more, but feels the weight leaving his chest either way. His sister knows what he means, knows what it is he means. He wants to know if she caused the regeneration herself, and if it is therefor she is now a woman.

 

“It wasn’t my fault. It has never been my fault. It was for the people I loved.” The Doctor try to keep her voice steady, tears burning in her eyes nonetheless as she feared that her brother would not believe her.

 

“It’s always for the people you love, is it not?” Braxiatel smiled weakly, hardly comforted by his sisters answer, and the uncomfortable silence soon settled once more as they were at lost for what to say. 

 

“Which number are you now?” The Doctor asked finally, unable to take the awkward breaks when none of them had anything to say and wishing to fill out the space with idle chatting. “I’m Thirt...fourteen, if you wondered. The council granted me another cycle for not giving up my name and setting Gallifrey free before time.”

 

Braxiatel observed her, a little reserved but unable to hide his amusement. “Well damn them for not letting you go I suppose. I’m number twelve, now. My last life...figured you’d outlive me one of these days. The Universe can't do without The Doctor, but Braxiatel, he’s more disposable.” His voice was bitter, but The Doctor suspected it was more out of distaste for the fact that he was getting old, rather than hostility towards his sibling.

 

The Doctor herself felt her stomach knotting uncomfortably at the thought that this was her brother’s last life. Almost subconsciously, she brought a hand to his face, tracing her fingers across his black and grey stubble and up to his greying hair. When had her brother become so old? Her last regeneration had been one of the oldest yet, and still it seemed as though it was nothing compared to her brother. “Your not disposable, not to me and not to the council! Who will negotiate with Ohila and the sisterhood when you're gone? I’m not going to be around. She won't even listen to the other council members. They’ll be lost when you're gone.” The Doctor encouraged, not wanting her brother to feel disposable when she really didn't agree.  And it was true, too. Besides The Doctor, Braxiatel was the one who had most success negotiating with the Sisterhood of Karn and their often nichalabte and hard-worked high priestesses. 

 

Braxiatel sigh. “I suppose so.” Smiling, he stuck in a hand under the hood of his sisters robes, ruffling her hair like he’d always done. Somehow, Braxiatel was always at least an inch longer than The Doctor, and it peeved her. Still, she wrapped her arms around her brother’s midsection, giving him a second, less desperate and more friendly, hug.

 

The two might have considered continuing to talk, mixing honest confessions with awkward small talk and tense silence, but as it were, they were interrupted as they heard the front door open.

 

“Honey! If you are still home, you need to go now! Ohila is threatening to try and declare Karn an independent planet with the right to a indigenous, independent, non-Gallifreyan government!” A smooth, high pitched female voice called out into the house, and the both siblings quickly broke apart, startled by the third party having arrived to the scene.

  
Giving his sister an excusing look , Braxiatel quickly fled the room, leaving The Doctor to stand there and wait for the woman who the voice belonged to, alone.


	7. Romana (dvoratrelundar) & Irving Braxiatel pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooo the reason these chapters are connected is cuz I ship Romana & Braxiatel haaard!

**Romana (dvoratrelundar) and Irving Braxiatel pt 2**

 

The Doctor didn’t have to wait long. After some hurried whispering and a ‘Fine, get going now honey’ said by a voice much lighter than Braxiatels, she could hear footsteps coming in her direction instead.

 

The footsteps that echoed down the hall were petite and carefully, nervously sneaking down the hall and hoping to not be heard.

 

The Doctor waited patiently, knowing there was little else to do. She was entirely convinced that if she did one wrong move, said one wrong word, then Romana would run and never come back. It had always seemed that way back when she met her, and she had long since learned that no matter how badly she wanted it to be different, her second regeneration had always been the exception to the rule.

 

“Miss?” Yet, sometimes, it was there anyway. As Romana came around the corner, looking up upon The Doctor, there was a little bit of that childish softness in her sharp features. Yet, With hair that was split down the middle, half blond and half brown, and eyes that were blue and brown respectively, she still looked like nothing The Doctor had ever seen before. “Braxiatel told me we had a guest, but not that it was a Time  _ Lady _ … your clothes smell of artron energy. What kind of TARDIS model do you drive?” She wrinkled her nose, that cute little button nose that was the only thing that didn’t change, and it made both The Doctor’s hearts flutter.

 

The Doctor laughed, a wide grin spreading over her face. “A Type-40, as you should know.” She set a more serious face, meeting Romana’s gaze straight on. “You know who I am.”

 

Now it was Romana’s turn to laugh - only it wasn’t funny. It was hard and hollow and sarcastic. “Typ-40s were discontinued hundreds of years ago because of the outer casing and air filters not being isolating enough against artron energy, thus causing the interior to have artron energy readings reaching levels above what was legal at the time.” 

 

“Well I stole one from a museum.” This time, The Doctor didn’t just look at her, she  _ glared  _ at her. “You know who I am!” She almost shouts, angry and frustrated. Braxiatel had recognised her from the moment he saw her, so why couldn’t Romana? Wasn’t there anything familiar in her, or was Romana teasing her?

 

Romana laughed once more, equally cold and hollow, and oh she really didn’t know who she was did she? “Who are you?” She taunted, her laughter now more gleeful than anything. “Whoooo are youuuu?”

 

“The Doctor. I am The Doctor.” She said it Straight up, trying to ignore the pain of Romana’s teasing, knowing that if she’d recognised her then she would not have acted in such a way.

 

“The...The...Doctor?” The shock on Romana’s face finally confirmed that she had really not known who she was, and she could see that shame the other woman felt at her mistake. She shrank into her robes, growing smaller and suddenly not really filling out the regal robes she was wearing. The uncrowned princess falling off her throne.

 

Of course, the only reason she was uncrowned was because The Doctor was fairly certain she still had the President's  crown lying around somewhere in the TARDIS, but she didn’t think it was an appropriate thing to mention at the moment.

 

Instead, she smiled, as kindly as she possibly could. “Yes Romana. I am. Really, even in this new getup I thought you’d recognise me.” She didn’t sound accusing, didn't want Romana as though she was accusing her of anything, but Romana seemed scared either way.

 

“I didn’t know! Your a woman now, and..your mind feels different. I didn’t want to touch it but...it used to be a blue door. Like the door to the TARDIS. Now, it...it’s different.” Sensing that she wasn’t getting anywhere with her blabbering, she quickly fell silent. She looked pale and maybe just a little green around the gills, and The Doctor couldn’t help but feel with her as she swore over her brother for not preparing her better.

 

For a moment, they wound up just standing there, staring at one another - an almost magical moment unbound by time, that seemed as though it would never end. 

 

But, of course it did. Suddenly, there was noise like something big being dropped and The Doctor could hear someone - a child - crying out in pain.

 

“Daaaddy!” The child wailed, voice filled with pain. The Doctor could see the panic in Romana’s eyes as the colour drained from her face even more, and within a moment she had  turned around, her robes flying behind her as she ran out of the room as quick as her legs would carry.

 

The Doctor watch her go, trying to wrap her head around what she had just heard and it’s implications, but not getting much time to do so, before Romana returned.

 

When Romana returned to the room, she was carrying a red-clad toddler in her arms. She was allowing the tiny toddler to smear blue paint across her face, very carefully keeping it’s paint covered hands and face away from her expensive robes.

 

“Sorry” She said, moving her head sideways to avoid having the blue paint on her lips. “Not on mommy’s lips, dear. You’re meant to paint with it, not eat it.” She told the baby sternly, wagging a finger, before turning back to The Doctor. “So, where were we? Discussing you being a woman, yes?”

 

The Doctor coughed awkwardly, glancing at the toddler on her arm. “I think...uh” She trailed off, trying to fight the urge the run off simply due to the sheer awkwardness of the situation. “I think we should start with when you and Braxiatel got yourselves a little time tot?” She gestured to the blue painted child.

 

“He didn’t tell you?” She looked honestly Shocked, and a little offended, at the implication. “Typical him. Missing the important part, he does, my Braxiatel.” She smiled fondly, and The Doctor could feel her her chest filling with warmth and love for little niece and it’s parents. “Either way, this is our daughter,Zenlisspolcharvanononsor, Zenliss for short.”

 

“She’s beautiful.” The Doctor answered honestly, still in awe at the fact that she had a  _ niece _ . Slowly, she reached out and brushed some of the girls slightly-blue coloured hair out of her face, to which she giggled in response. “She got her dad’s eyes. And your nose.” And The Doctor wasn’t lying. The girl had intelligent and seemingly endless dark eyes, combined with ginger hair that was definitely not his brothers - though she thought he might have been ginger at some point - and a sort of button nose that was about as Romana as it gets. As far as The Doctor knew, she’d had her in all her incarnations but the first two.

 

“Yes, might be so. Well, if we must, we can talk more about your niece, but we shall also talk about your new body and it’s gender.” Romana huffed, before handing the baby over to The Doctor and setting herself down on the sofa. “So, questions?” She lowered an eyebrow, giving her sister-in law an expectant look.

 

“Well, for starters, how old is this little thing?” The Doctor decided to settle for the question easiest answer, a bit preoccupied with the toddler in her arms. She fought the child as it tried to escape her grip and crawl over her back - covering her robes in blue pain while she was at it - and at the same time aimed to sit down next to Romana.

 

Seeing The Doctor’s predicament, Romana laughed softly. “She’s a runner, our little one. You could almost believe her aunt’s a renegade Time Lord running around the universe… but to answer your question, she is turning ten in a few weeks time. Don’t suppose you’d come around for the party?” Finally pitying The Doctor,  she reached out and took the baby away from The Doctor, placing her in her own lap.

 

“Momma have a party for me.” The baby agreed happily, clapping it’s hands together as The Doctor messed around with their ginger hair.

 

“Of course I’ll come.” She agreed quickly, actually feeling as though she wouldn't want to miss it for the world.

 

“You usually never do.” Romana replied sharply, obviously not impressed by The Doctor’s acceptance of the invitation.

 

“I will. I Promise.” The Doctor bit back quickly, a little annoyed that Romana would not believe her.

 

“You are a woman now!” Romana shouts finally, snapping completely as tears started running down her cheeks. “And you won’t even talk about it!” In a span of a few moments, Romana had gone from perfectly stoic to a blubbering mess. Some hidden floodgate keepung her emotions in check had burst and it had all come rushing out.

 

“Oh, Romana!” The Doctor didn’t have it in her to keep quiet. Romana was hugging her daughter like a stuffed toy and crying into her hair, and The Doctor could feel tears burning in her own eyes as she watched it unfold. “I’m okay. I really am. We can speak of it if you wish.” She scooted closer to her crying friend, wrapping one arm around her shaking body. “Tell me why you’re upset”

 

“Because you caused it, you idiot!” Romana yelled, but The Doctor forgave her loud volume as she was crying and shaking. “I’ve done it too I...I know what it’s like! It’s  _ fucking  _ awful and you show up flaunting it like it’s nothing!” 

 

The Doctor stared at her, a bit startled by what she’d said. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t been suspicious about the regeneration already back when it happened, but she had never admitted it. Either way, she still needed to correct her assumptions about her regeneration. “Romana...I...I told Braxiatel...it wasn’t like that. I just, just waited too long. And it all just toppled over.” She tried to explain, letting her baby niece climb over to her lap as she pulled her mother closer, holding her tight enough that Romana would understand she was not about to let go. “I didn’t do it. Not like  _ that _ . I wouldn’t.”

“So I’m just a big, silly idiot who thought you would?” Romana sniffed, tears slowly subsiding and a small smile creeping upon her lips

The Doctor laughed. “Yes. But you're mine and Braxiatel’s big silly idiot, and we love you.” Hugging her tight once more for comfort, it soothed The Doctor to know that she was going to be alright.

 

As usual, The Doctor was lucky. Facing Romana and Braxiatel was one of the scariest tasks she had done, but the outcome had been so much better than she ever thought it could be.

 

Dragging her hand through her niece's hair, The Doctor truly realised how lucky she was.


	8. Text Message: Sarah Jane Smith and Jo Jones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a new little thing that i decided to add in on a whim: 2 of the Characters who's appered in the earlier Chapters discussing the new, female doctor.
> 
> Note on continuity: While Sarah Jane encountered The Doctor (female) after the SJA episode 'enemy of the bane', which take place in 2008, Jo Jones/Grant did not encounter The Doctor (female) until some time after the SJA episode 'The death of the Doctor', which takes place in 2010.

**Text message interlude: Jo & Sarah**

 

**Jo Jones [6:30 PM] :** Hi Sarah darling! I am in Portugal in the cottage me & Cliff is renting for our anniversary now! How are u? Don’t work too hard, you deserve some rest too! And Tell Luke to text Santiago. He miss him! <3

 

 **Sarah (Jane) Smith [6:45 PM]:** Hi Jo! Sorry for the delay, was cooking, Luke’s back from Uni for the weekend and eating like a wolf! You’d believe they don’t feed him at all. And i told him to text Santiago! He said he’d do it, but u know how teenagers are. Never do what they're told when they're told to!

Either way, I am good. I am not working too much. I am happy to hear you are in Portugal now, since things seemed a bit tense back in South America. Hope you and Cliff have a lovely anniversary and everything! 

 

 **Jo Jones [8:55 PM]:** Awww, thank u darling! <3 Such a sweet heart u are!

Oh! And before I forget: I was going to ask you... u haven't happened to have met a version of THE Doctor...our Doctor...that is a woman, have you? 

 

 **Sarah (Jane) Smith [9 PM]:** Oh, yes, that did happen to me. Back in 2008, I believe. Long time since. Me and The Brigadier (u knew him back in the days, didn't u?) Was having a slow day. She appeared out of nowhere to surprise us - got so scared I drenched her with the garden hose! Then we talked and hugged a bit. Why?

 

 **Jo Jones [10 AM]:** She came to me yesterday, when Cliff was shopping food. Tried to run soon as she said hi, but I had her stay for tea. She doesn’t escape me! It was lovely, she was a lovely incarnation of his, but unfortunately a bit on the sour side. Poor thing was having period cramps and all! Not easy being a woman, The Doctor finally learned.

 

**Sarah (Jane) Smith [10:15 AM]:**

Poor Doctor, tho I don’t feel too bad. He certainly didn't, when we were travelling and my monthly came around… besides, wrestling a difficult Time Lord is in the job description! Better get used to it sometime! ;)

 

**Jo Jones [11 AM]:** Oh darling! You have no idea what the word difficult even means! You weren’t there when he couldn’t leave Earth. I’ll tell you the next time we meet, if I remember it - i swear you won’t believe it!

  
  
**[Read by Sarah (Jane) Smith at 12 AM]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments pls <3 they make my day!


	9. River Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for smutty inuendo at the end!

**River Song**

 

“So, this is what you meant when you said I reminded you of your second wife?”

 

River jumped at the voice, turning around and coming face to face with a blond haired woman in her mid thirties, who she knew she had met before.

 

“Doctor! You...you…” She tried to say it, but the words catched in her throat, and ended up just staring, equal parts confused and shocked. 

 

“I am woman now. Yes, I think we established that. And if not, it certainly looks as though I will come back to you to establish it in due time. Now, answer my question.” The Doctor stood her ground, carefully not to allow herself to be lead astray. She knew more than well that If her wife could, she  _ would  _ distract her from the future/past.

 

The Doctor needed to know. She remembered how it had felt, jealousy flooding through her body with every heartbeat and making her envy this woman, who had captured the heart of his true love. Who had inspired her to violate the sanctity of their marriage - not that there had ever been any.

 

_ River had had a second wife _

 

She could still feel the envy, at this unknown entity, and desired to know if it would be her, so that she could finally make amends with the facts.

 

“I Shouldn’t, sweetie.” River’s voice is calm and collected, perfectly measured as she spoke. “Spoilers.”

 

“I don’t care,  _ sweetie _ .” The Doctor tried to keep her voice leveled, too, as she spoke, but it was hard. Tears was burning in her eyes and a bitter smile rested on her lips as she continued. “I just want to know. That you still love me.”

 

“Oh,  _ sweetie _ !” Now it was River’s turn to feel emotional, seeing her wife dissolve into tears during what was apparently their first meeting in her new body. River had met her before, but it was clear it was not the other way around. This was their first meeting, and The Doctor was terrified. “I love you. I’ll  _ always  _ love you, and I told you so already in your twelfth incarnation. And now…” River paused, giving her newly regenerated wife a once over, hoping it’d quell her worries about not being enough anymore  “You are even…” Another pause. She was going to say even better, but couldn’t, because she knew The Doctor would take it the wrong way. She sigh. “I like women, Doctor. A lot. Just as much as men. It  _ doesn’t matter _ .”

 

The Doctor stared at her, eyes hard and judging, looking for her lie, and River couldn’t take it. She grabbed her by the arms, dragging her close and kissing her fiercely. Their lips collided, and River pushed on, putting all her love and adoration that she held for this foolish alien into the gripping of her arms on her lover’s, her lips on The Doctor’s. 

 

“I love you, idiot.” She whispered, hands moving to tangle themselves in The Doctor’s blonde hair as she felt warm, soft hands finding their way in under her blouse. She let out a soft moan as she felt them cupping her breasts, and pressed her nails into The Doctor’s scalp.

 

_ They were okay again _

 

The Doctor's hand on her body, her own hands on The Doctor’s body, told River that they were okay, and much more still.

 

_ It was all the both of them needed to know. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give kudos and comment! Comments make my day and they keep me going for weeks, but it only take 1 minute out of your day!


	10. Jamie Mccrimmon and Zoe Heriot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I kind of just wanted them back withiut being back...

**Jamie Mccrimmon and Zoe Heriot**

 

The Doctor sigh softly, sinking deep down into a plush red couch in the library. She feels happy, but exhausted.

 

She’d just had another meeting, another second chance with a friend she’d lost so long ago. There had been happiness and laughter, warm arms wrapping around her body to hug her, and she’d been smiling till her jaw ached. It had been perfection in every way, and yet, as she sat there, it felt as though there was something missing.

Sighing once more, she told herself it was just the day’s endeavours taking their toll, and it’d be gone when she’d had time to rest. 

 

She hoped it’d be true.

 

Not really looking at what she was doing, she stretched out and grabbed a book from the many piles she’d created over the years - simply adding books she was no longer interested in instead of putting them back on the shelves. The TARDIS had long since stopped cleaning the library, for it soon regressed to it’s un-cleaned state once more.

 

In her hands, she held a worn out copy of a Scottish fairy tale book. She laughed.  _ God, this must be old _ , she thought. Before Amy - who had never brought any books onboard the TARDIS - her last Scottish companion had been all the way back during her second regeneration.

 

_ Jamie Mccrimmon  _

 

The book slips out of her hands and she emits a quit yell, startled by the mere thought. 

 

_ It had been so long since she thought of him. _

 

By her toe, the book opened, a faded old polaroid falling out from between the pages. Feeling the acute panic still beating on the inside of her body like a drum, The Doctor carefully bent over to pick up the photo. It was old and grainy and entirely black and white, but the persons featured in them were unmistakable.

 

A scruffy looking man in oversized clothes were sitting curled up on a couch, a younger man’s head resting in his lap. The young man was wearing a kilt, and his feet were propped up on the arn rest. Sitting in front of the two, on the floor, was a small brown haired girl in a jumpsuit. They all smiled innocently at the camera, captured in a moment of natural, eternal bliss.

 

The Doctor could feel tears burning in her eyes as she held the frail photo between her fingers. It’s something that should have been gone from her mind long ago, but it  always seemed to linger. Twelve regenerations and billions of years had done nothing to still the aching in her heart as she thought of the friends that she lost. Like every other companion, they were never really gone.

 

_ What would Jamie and Zoe think of me now? _

 

Another thought runs through her mind like a lightning bolt, and this time she can barely hold back a sob. All since the day Polly and Ben had mentioned his first incarnation, and explained what changed him, Jamie had been abundantly clear on the matter. As long as The Doctor was The Doctor, he was going to love him no matter what. 

 

The Doctor believed him then, and she still did, but she wasn’t as sure about Zoe. Regeneration was not something they had talked about often, and she was not sure if the poor girl had ever even known, that her Doctor could change. The Doctor would never know, but she hoped that Zoe would have accepted her, even as she is today. 

 

_ They should have stayed with me till regeneration...they weren’t meant to leave! _

 

She cries. The tears been threatening long, and she’s tired of holding them back when she could feel her heart breaking into a thousand pieces only by thinking of her lost companions.

 

She wept, for things that should have been but never were, and for the unfairness of what had happened to her.

 

She cried herself to sleep that night, dreaming of Scottish kilts and innocent smiles, tender kisses and friendly hugs. And when she woke up, though she was disappointed to find herself alone, She felt better than she had done in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos & comments pls! <3


	11. Leela

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is for the lovely Aspergusmama ❤

**Leela**

 

“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here my Lady?”

 

The Doctor look up from her book, a little startled by having been addressed all of sudden, and to her own surprise comes eye to eye with an unmistakable face.

 

“Leela?” Though The Doctor hoped she’d be around somewhere, it was hard to mask her surprise. Because standing there, right in front of her, was almost exactly the same barbarian girl that had chosen to stay behind.

 

As The Doctor said her name, confusion flickered in her dark eyes, and The Doctor could feel her heart sinking.  _ She didn’t recognise her _ .

 

“Yes, that is my name. Do I know you?” She tilts her head, acting like a confused little Earth puppy dog. “Have I seen you during one of the meetings with the High Council, perhaps?” She tries to reason. “I’m usually there.” Always so logical, his Leela. 

 

Similar behaviour had not been uncommon back when she joined him in the TARDIS, and The Doctor marveled at how little she had changed. It was a relief somehow, to find a person to be the same they were when they left you, but at the same time it hurt. It hurt, because it reminded The Doctor how far away from her she had moved.

 

But most of all it hurt, because The Doctor was tired of not being recognised. Of being lost in a sea of familiar faces passing her by like strangers in the streets.

 

Perhaps visiting old companions and actually making contact had been a mistake.

 

“Uh, Miss? Miss do you…” At the same time as The Doctor looked up, finally snapping out of it, Leela fell quite. Her eyes widened, and The Doctor could tell, that she was seeing her. Recognising her, for who she was.

 

“Doctor?” The name is tender on her lips, and before she can react, she is sitting down beside her. Slowly, meticulously, she folds her legs underneath her body, readjusting her limbs a bit to get as comfortable as possible. She was staying, and it warmed The Doctor’s heart.

 

“I got a new body now. Glad you don't mind” The Doctor smiled, shifting so she’d be a bit more comfortable as well. 

 

Leela smiled back, laughing a little. They weren’t looking at each other, but fully connected in their minds anyway. “I’ve been here so many years now. I can barely remember what it felt like to expect everyone to stay the same for all of their lives. To never have the people around you change at all.”  Her eyes focuses a little more intently on the silver forest stretching out beneath them, and she frown. “What are you doing here, Doctor? You hate Gallifrey. You hate being here. Told me so many times” 

 

The Doctor sigh, but smile. Glancing over at Leela, she sees that she’s smiling too. “I’m here for my family.” She states simply, not quite wanting to elaborate.

 

“Your wife? I think you had one. Said so, once.” Leela furrows her brow and The Doctor can’t help but think she looks beautiful when she’s thinking.

 

“I seemed to have said a lot of things once” The Doctor teased, before shaking her head. “No, my brother. Big brother. Don’t talk about him much, but...He got a partner and child now and i wanted to see them.”

 

She nods, understanding. “Lady Romana's partner has a brother. I’ve never met him, though. Lord Braxiatel just mentions him at times. But their daughter is adorable. I get to babysit her sometimes.”

 

The Doctor tensed, suddenly feeling a tad uncomfortable. “You...you work for her  Highness Lady Romana?” She asked, trying not to sound scared. She had, to be honest, no idea what Leela worked with, not having bothered to look it up when she looked back at her. She just wanted to know that she was safe, and had had a life that made the adventures he put her through worth it.

 

Glancing over at The Doctor, Leela smiled, suddenly a little more energetic. “Don’t you know her? She traveled with you before me, yes?” She asked, her eyes watching The Doctor with sudden, intense interest. 

 

“Yes, she did. Best friend and sister in law indeed.” The Doctor smiled, reveling in the look of shock that passed over Leela’s face.

 

“You’re Lord Braxiatel’s mysterious brother!” She screamed, laughing so hard she could barely get air as her face grew red and she doubled over, hands on her stomach.

 

“I really don’t think it’s so funny” The Doctor commented, despite herself smiling and laughing slightly. “But he is a far cry from me, I know.” She looked back out at the mighty forest below, thinking of how her brother had never understood why she found it so beautiful to watch. “Different, but a brother indeed.”

 

“Well, I think it’s the best thing I have heard all day.” As Leela finally started calming down from her laughing fit, she turned to look at the forest as well, contempling the new information she had learned with a smile. “So that means your an u...aunt, now? To Zenliss, I mean.”

 

“I suppose so.” The Doctor answered, a bit uncertain. Of course she had thought about it, but it made her heart ache and her gut wrench from all the guilt she felt over how lousy of an aunt she knew she would be. She wanted the girl to grow up feeling as loved as possible, and feared that her sporadic presence would only hurt her. “But I think I’ll try to stay away as much as I can. Even if I do try to be there, my presence will be sporadic at best, and i don’t wish to hurt any of them.” The Doctor tried not to be bitter, but out of all situations, this was one she had never thought to be put in. Braxiatel had always been clear clear that he never wanted children, never wanted a tim tot for whose future he’d be responsible. But of course, Romana didn’t share his sentiment. And the sugar sweet Romana had turned everything on it’s head, it seemed.

 

“I’ll guess I’ll have to teach her about you, then! If they let me keep babysitting her. I’ll tell her of everything we did together.”

 

An owl howled in the distance, another owl soon answering it, and they kept staring at the horizon. Pretending to be alone, yet fully aware if the person next to them.

 

“I’ll tell them of how we met K-9. She will love that.” Leela smiled glancing at The Doctor, who smiled back.

 

“I bet she would.” The Doctor agreed quietly, falling completely silent for a while before talking again. “Do you like Romana and Braxiatel? Are you...friends? Or just an employee?” She was curious, wanted to know her brother and former companions relationship with her other former companion.

 

“Friends, I think. More with Romana than Lord Braxiatel. But he likes everything and everyone that his partner does, so I think we’re good.” She paused, thinking over what she’d said, before continuing. “It’s been hard for me and Romana to avoid being friends. Most of my duties consist of following her around everywhere, all the time. At some point you start talking. Especially if your like me, and... _ awake questions _ in people. It just works that way.” Once again, she paused, but The Doctor could tell she still wasn’t finished. “What about you?”

 

“We’re friends. Siblings, for me and Braxitel. But I’m not around much... I feel like I hurt them because they know i will always go again.” The Doctor sigh, pulling her legs to her chest and more or less hiding her head behind her knees. “I’m really glad you're looking after them, though” She whispered, her voice so quiet she wasn’t sure Leela could hear her.

 

“Of course I am. Silly old Time Lord.” Smiling and obviously having heard what she said, Leela scooted closer to her. She continued to do so all until her head landed heavily on The Doctor’s shoulder, an arm wrapping around her waist. “We, all of us who travel with you. We’re always loyal to you, even after the ride ends.”

 

“Always?” The Doctor snuggled a little closer to Leela, reveling in the relative warmth of her body compared to her own.

 

“Always” Leela promised, she too snuggling closer. Feeling her pressing against her side, The Doctor found herself thinking of how happy she felt that she had not become a victim of the Time War. That she still had Leela and Romana and Braxiatel to rely on when she really needed it. 

 

And so they stay there, two lonely companions on a cliff, staring down at a silver forest while the sun set in the distance. A Doctor and a warrior, an adventurer and her companion, caught in a single moment of peaceful existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments pls ❤❤


	12. Text Message: Alistair Lethbridge Stewart and Kate Stewart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate Stewart and The Brigadier discussing the later's encounter with the 13th Doctor. 
> 
> Note that this takes place in 2008 so they would only know about the 9th & 10th Doctor, as well as the 13th which the brigadier just encountered. Not the 11th & 12th.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment please! It makes my day! ❤

**Text Message Interlude: Kate Stewart & The Brigadier**

 

 **Dad [4:30 PM]:** _Code D in Ealings today. - Dad_

 

**Kate [4:31 PM]:** _You sure? Code D? Which Number? There hasn’t been many sightings recently. - Kate_

 

 **Dad [4:32 PM]:** _Positive. Confirmed Code D._

_Made contact with me and Sarah Jane in her garden. New one, no number yet. Just thought i’d inform you dear._

 

 **Kate [4:35 PM]:** _Thank you, dad. D_ _escription? Are you certain it’s a new one? Sometimes they do chang outfit.... and we haven't actually had sighting where he’s made contact with any of us since aunt Sarah made contact with him at that school._

 

 **Dad [4:40]:** _Absolutely certain Kate. Description is female and blonde, big blue coat. Yes, female. Bloody alien went a changed anatomi while they were at it._

 

 **Kate [4:50 Pm]:** _Copy that. I'm sure he did it just to annoy us all. Assigning nr 10?_

  
**Dad [4:56]:** _Confirmed. Female Doctor is Code D nr 10._


	13. 9th Doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entierly in line with the rest of this fanfic, but almost!

**9th Doctor**

 

She sees him when she visits Paris, weaving through the crowd with his pink rose in tow. He is instantly recognisable, and though it's been long, she remembers what it feels like to be him. Big and bald and strong in a leather jacket, but breaking inside. Falling to pieces as the realisation that he really lost  _ it _ , everything he didn’t care for but could never full bring himself to give up, slowly settling inside him

 

It was over, now. It wasn’t lost anymore, but back then it still was.

 

She sees him, and she wish that she could tell him all that she knew.

 

She wished that she could show him the memories, of Braxiatel’s hug and Romana’s smile and the blue colour coating Zenliss fingers as she painted on her Aunt's face.

 

Leela, sitting beside her on a cliff and watching the silver forest, still loyal and loving after so long. Still his proud warrior, even after all this time.

 

She wish she could show him all the memories that she carry, knowing it would ease the pain and guilt eating him up from the inside out.

 

But it can’t be, because you can’t cross your own timestream and change your own past. It is too dangerous.

 

Yet, she sneaks a piece of her conscious into his, hoping that there’d be something she could do to that lonely battle field.

 

* * *

* * *

 

The Doctor awoke with a starle, sitting in his bed with panic in his eyes and a silent scream on his lips. Rose lies next to him, rubbing her sleepy eyes as she glances in his direction, waiting for him to tell her if he’s alright. She never forced him to speak, but simply sat beside him. Listening, and allowing him to speak if he wished, or stay quiet if he didn’t feel a though he could tell her about it.

 

“It was a good dream” He is not lying, because despite the panic and screaming, he feels, deep in his heart, that it was a good dream. 

 

He can feel someone hugging him. He can see bright smiles and blue paint and even the silver forest of Gallifrey dancing in front of his mind, as he tried to recall the dream in hole, only to find that he can not. Only the flickering shards remained, the rest eased away from his conscious mind, giving him the feeling that someone didn't  _ want  _ him to remember it all.

 

But what little he remembered stayed like a warm weight in his chest, keeping him grounded and steady. Chasing nightmares and flashbacks away as he went back to sleep, waking more rested than in a very, very long time.

 

Rose doesn't know what it is that happened in The Doctor’s dream, but she can sense the calm and happiness of his mind, pulling him close and silently thanking whatever entity had gifted The Doctor with this gift, the only gift he could not grant himself.

  
The gift of peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments, pls <3


	14. Susan Foreman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. This was a heavy one.
> 
> Your going to have some fun reading it, I'm sure. Emotional, but fun.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Susan Foreman**

 

“I know where you should go next, Doctor.” Bill said, her hand moving along the edge of the TARDIS console, flipping switches and pressing buttons as she went. 

 

“Where? Are you coming with me?” The Doctor asked, confused. The last part she knows won't be, but she asks anyway, trying to hold onto a sliver of hope.

 

Bill shook her head. “You know I can’t come. I’m with Heather now. But I’ll see you again, I promise.” She lean down over the space and time coordinate coordinator, her fingers tapping the keyboard as her eyes focused on the screen. “And I won’t tell you where you're going. It won’t do you any good.”

 

“Won’t do me any good? You can’t send me away without saying where!”  The Doctor was getting angry, now, trying to reach for Bill but ending up flat on her stomach instead. Bill danced her way out of The Doctor’s grip, over to the door, where she stopped.

 

“You can’t do this Bill! Tell me where I’m going!” The Doctor continued to protest, as Bill made to schhhh her.

 

“Schh, Doctor. Me and Heather agreed. It’s time for you to go back.” With those last words of comfort, Bill excited the TARDIS, closing the door behind her. The Doctor had half a mind to follow her, but couldn’t, as the machine started to dematerialise the moment Bill had left.

 

* * *

 

The Doctor sat lifelessly on the floor, waiting for the ship to land. The screen of the coordinate coordinator had been turned off, efficiently stopping her from seeing where she was going. She felt as though she had been betrayed by Bill, sent off into the unknown to whatever place Bill and the TARDIS saw fit for her to go.

 

_ Me and Heather agreed. It’s time for you to go back. _

 

She thought about what Bill had ment, with her last words. A clue, perhaps, to where she was going? But  _ where  _ would she be going back? She’d been so many places and seen so many things, more than Bill could possibly know of.

 

So what was so important for her to return to, that even the TARDIS would join in the conspiracy?

 

With a click, the time rotor stopped, and the coordinate coordinator turned on it’s screen. Thus, The Doctor didn’t have to figure out where she was going, but rather, was told. 

 

_ You have arrived at your chosen destination: 22nd Century London _

 

The Doctor read the destination. She reread it again and again, hoping against hope that the numbers would change for this couldn’t be. It  _ couldn’t  _ have been  _ that _ , that Bill meant when she told The Doctor to go back.

 

She couldn’t mean that she was supposed to return to her granddaughter.

 

The Doctor stood there, her hands clutching the sides of the control in an attempt to suppress every memory of Susan bubbling up to the surface, the grief that accompanied them crippling to the point her legs were ready to give out beneath her.

 

She stood there for an unmeasurable amount of time, waiting, hoping that it would all be a guilt riddled nightmare and she’d wake up.

 

The Doctor didn’t. Instead, she could hear the door to the TARDIS opening and someone carefully stepping inside.

 

“Hello? Anyone home? It’s so dark here…” A voice called out into the silence, making all The Doctor’s hairs stand on end. It’s young and sweet and too familiar for comfort. The only voice The Doctor would have done anything to avoid at that moment. 

 

Finally, The Doctor can feel herself breaking for real. Tears dribble down her cheeks and she leans even heavier on the console, half choked sobs bubbling in her throat.

 

“Susan!” It comes out as a half choked scream, and for a split second, The Doctor is sure it’ll chase her away to hear an unknow woman using her name like that. To hear someone screaming her name like it’s all that’s keeping them alive, but not knowing who they are. “Susan…” It turns into a plea. For what, The Doctor doesn’t know.

 

“Grandfather?” The answer that comes fill The Doctor with ice cold dread. Somehow, by some miracle, Susan has recognised her. And it should make her happy, should fill her with joy. Her granddaughter recognised her. But for some reason, it didn’t. It was as though after all those years, when the memory of Susan ment nothing but pain, she could no longer feel any happiness thinking of her.

 

“Grandfather, are you there? You’ve remodeled the TARDIS...it’s dark…” She can hear the quiver in her granddaughter’s voice, careful feet moving closer nonetheless. Fear had never stopped Susan Foreman.

 

The Doctor doesn’t answer her granddaughter. Instead, she sneaks to the other side of the console, sitting down behind it and hiding as the sound of kitten heels becomes louder and louder, their owner coming closer.

 

Finally, the clicking heels come to a stop, and The Doctor can see her standing there. A frilly pink skirt and turquoise blouse is visible, and a dark haired head is turned away from her. Susan’s hair has grown longer, The Doctor notes, but is still kept quite short. Looking at her from the back, The Doctor could hardly believe it was her. Had she not known it by the voice, The Doctor would not have recognised her granddaughter.

 

“Grandfather? Are you here? Grandfather please...I’m scared…” Her voice was even more pitiful, now, and The Doctor couldn’t help feeling disgusted with herself as it was partly her own fault.

 

But she was scared, too. She can’t tell what will happen but she feels bloody terrified just looking at her little girl from behind. 

 

Careful, resigned to the fact that she does not have the heart to face the girl she abandoned, The Doctor leaves her hiding spot and try to sneak away. She walks down the steps from the console, careful not to make a sound, and is about to run to her room when the sweet voice that she could never forget spoke once more.

 

“Grandfather? Is that you?” It’s filled with desperation and hope and pain and happiness. It reminds The Doctor of who abandoned who, and she can hear Susan’s last words to her echoing in her ears.

 

_ Grandfather! I belong with you! _

 

Slowly, The Doctor turns around, and suddenly she is standing face to face with her greatest fear. She is standing on the steps leading down from the console, the lamps underneath the grating lighting her up from below and making her look like a powerful goddess statue. Her face is covered in shadows, and all The Doctor sees is that child like body dressed up in clothes more mature than her. Her curves are soft and small and her feet and fists are still tiny, a child playing dress up in her mother’s clothing.

 

“Susan...I’m sorry...I’m  _ so sorry  _ …” The Doctor doesn’t know what to say, tries to formulate a good answer as she steps closer. She is still terrified, but longs to see that face come out of the shadows and for her to finally be able to recognise her own child. “I shouldn’t have left you here.” She reaches out, taking Susan’s tiny fists in her hands, still larger than hers, and lead her down the steps and into the light. “I should have held onto you and never let go but somehow I got into my tired old brain that it would be so much better for you here and  _ I left _ !” The Doctor feels the anger building inside her, the guilt over what she had done beating inside her head like a drum.  _ It had been so stupid _ .

 

“Grandfather, it is forgiven. You made the right choice.” As tears come back to The Doctor’s eyes, Susan’s hands moved from her fingers to her face, one on each cheek, holding her head in place and forcing her to look at her. Big, dark eyes met The Doctor’s own, and  _ finally, _ she recognise her little girl.

 

She recognise the soft cheeks and poky chin and small, perfectly formed lips. But most of all she recognise her expressive, grown-up eyes that never quite fitted with her tiny stature. That gave away the alien inside her.  “I love you grandfather. Always.” Her eyes are filled with love and dedication, and just looking at them, The Doctor feels  _ whole _ .

 

What has been missing for so long has finally come back to The Doctor, completing her with something she had forgotten she needed. The Doctor’s biggest sacrifice had at long last been made worth it.

 

“I love you too, Susan. Always have and always will.” She wraps her arms around her granddaughter, pulling the tiny body against her own and smiling as she felt the girl hugging her back, clinging on like she never wanted to let go.

 

“One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no tears, no anxieties. Go forward in all your believes, and prove to me, that I am not mistaken in mine. You will always be my granddaughter, Susan.” Susan whispered, repeating the last words The Doctor had said to her when she left back to her. “You didn’t lie. Not once. You came back, grandmother.” 

 

The Doctor notice the change in pronouns, and smile. For her granddaughter, a Time Lady just like her, there would never be a difference. “I would never ever lie to you, Susan. I couldn’t do that, not ever.” Finally, The Doctor twist herself free from Susan’s grip, holding her hands tight instead as she noticed her reluctance to let go. Just like The Doctor, Susan was scared that she’d disappear if she let go. That she’d wake up, and realisie that it was all a dream.

 

“Do you want to meet my family, grandmother? I am sure they would all be very happy to actually meet the woman who they have heard so much about.” She smiles, soft and kind, and The Doctor nods.

 

“I would love to.” She says, allowing Susan to lead her out of the TARDIS. The fear is gone, replaced with love. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, it makes my day! <3


	15. Kate Stewart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was hard to write...takes place in 2012 (Kate's timeline)

**Kate Stewart**

 

The Doctor hugs the roses tight to her chest, taking a few uncertain steps forward before stopping once more.

 

She sees the graves she is aiming for, the place that she is going. Among all the old, worn out gray tombstones, the new, sleek black one stood out like a sore thumb. Even more so, considering that while most graves were sparsely decorated with a few dying flowers, the new stone was surrounded by wreaths and flower pots, roses in a multitude of colours resting on top the stone as well.

 

An amalgam of love and hope in the middle of a field of forgotten lives.

 

But it wasn’t seeing how decorated the stone was, already before she’d added her roses, that made The Doctor stop. No, what made her stop, was the figure sitting hunched on her knees in front of it.

 

The beige coat and blue scarf gave away Kate Stewart already from behind, and The Doctor could feel her stomach knotting with worry and fear at the thought of meeting her. It had taken her a lot of courage to come all the way there, and now she wasn’t even allowed to be alone with the grave, grieving in peace for the friends she’d lost.

 

The Doctor wanted to turn and run, but her feet disagreed. They didn’t want her to go, throwing away the opportunity she had been given and knowing she would probably never come back. No, they wanted her to stay put and fight her fears. 

 

Without her conscious consent, her feet lead her across the grass, passing one grave after another as they led her all the way down to the colourfully decorated tomb. As she came upon it, she swallowed hard, reading the names engraved in golden letters on the black stone.

 

_ Sir Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart _

 

_ Elizabeth Shaw Lethbridge-Stewart _

 

The Doctor wanted to throw up. She wanted to be angry and cry and  scream and react in a number of ways, because there they were, his clever assistant and his oldest friend, buried ten feet underneath.

 

She promised herself she would never see them die, refusing to acknowledge it was not a promise she could keep.

 

Now she was forced to acknowledge it.

 

“It never feels real, does it? To lose someone. To just one day wake up and know you will never see them again.” Kate’s voice is soft, her eyes critically studying the woman standing beside her. 

 

“Yes, it does. You just can’t get it into your head. One day they stood there with their smiles and coffee mugs, and then they just…  _ didn't”  _ The Doctor fights not to cry. She’s been building up for the visit so long, and it hurt more than she’d ever admit, to face the facts. 

 

She looked down upon Kate, still kneeling on the dried grass, and she knew their friendship only went one way. Kate bore the mark of the Lethbridge-Stewart upon her soul as though it was a real, visible thing, and it was easy for The Doctor to recognise her.  When she put her mind to it, she was so alike her father that The Doctor swore The Brigadier had turned into a female.

 

“How did you know them? Science or Military?” Slowly, Kate rose from her spot in front of the tomb stone, standing up and taking The Doctor in hand. “I’m Kate Stewart. Sir Alistair was my father.” She smiled, but The Doctor could see how guarded she was. 

 

The Doctor smiled, shaking the offered hand. “Joan Smith. And both, by the way. Military Science, I think you could say. They were lovely people.” She smiled sweetly, and felt in her heart that she meant it. Liz Shaw and The Brigadier had been terrific people, and so was Kate Stewart. “You seem extremely lovely too, if I might say so.”

 

Without thinking, she offered Kate her roses. They had been meant for the grave, but the stone was already overly decorated, and somehow she felt as though Kate needed them more. 

 

Alistair would have hated for her to add to the overflow of flowers surrounding the grave, either way. In fact, she was quite certain he would have hated the flowers all together. 

 

“For me?” Kate looked confused, taking them in shaking hands. She looked between The Doctor and the flowers, and then, suddenly, she spoke again. “Have I met you before? Do I know you or…?” Her question died out. Her eyes were filled with uncertainty. “No, it's ridiculous. You can't be much older than me, you must have known them towards the end.” Kate looked down at the roses, frowning, and The Doctor could practically see the gears turning in her head. She knew something wasn’t quite right, but couldn’t place what.

 

“The Autons.” The Doctor offered, hoping to kickstart her brain. She was so good at recognising her, no matter the face, but oh her new gender had her lost.

 

“What?” Kate looked up, eyes big with shock. It was clear that it had not made her understand more, but it hadn’t left her unaffected either.

 

“Alistair and Liz met for the first time when he recruited her as a Scientific Advisor, right before the Auton invasion.” The Doctor explained further. She remembered The Brigadier recounting the hole story to her, once, a long time ago. Probably at their wedding, but she wasn’t quite certain.

 

“Oh. Yes, that’s true. How did you know? It’s highly classified information.” The fear was back in Kate’s eyes, and it hurt, because The Doctor had been sure it would be enough. That Kate would have recognised her by now, seeing how quick she had been to catch on all the other times she’d faced a new him.

 

But she didn’t, and The Doctor was frustrated, tired of playing cat and mouse and hoping others would catch on. “Oh for goodness sake! Kate, it’s me. The Doctor. I came here to pay my respects to Alistair and Liz.” She turned towards the stone with the golden letters, looking away from Kate as her gut twisted painfully. This was not was had been supposed to happen when she came here, not at all.

 

The confession was followed by silence, and The Doctor knew she most certainly screwed up. How could she think it was a good idea to confront Kate in her new body, in front of her father’s grave? She knew she should have left. If she’d listened to herself and walked away at first chance, all would be alright.

 

“Dad told me about you, back in 2008. I nearly didn’t believe him.” Suddenly, she  could feel Kate’s arms wrapping around her waist, a blonde head landing heavily on her chest and cuddling into her body.

 

“I remember that. Sarah Jane sprayed me down with the garden hose because I scared her.” Smiling, suddenly not feeling as stupid, The Doctor wrapped her arms around Kate as well. It felt warm and safe and altogether  _ good _ , healing some of the pain caused by Kate’s earlier ignorance. “Your father seemed pretty accepting when I talked to him back then.”

 

“He was. Just a little annoyed you changed your face again _. Bloody alien changed their anatomi while they were at it. _ ” Kate lowered her voice, shaping it into a surprisingly good imitation of The Brigadier’s deep timbre. The Doctor squeezed her hand comfortingly.

 

“So I did. Alistair never did put up with my bullshit.” The Doctor smiled, feeling mischievous.

 

“And so I told him. I said you did it to annoy him.” Kate smiled, snuggling closer still. “I’m glad you came here.” 

 

“I wanted to. Liz and Alistair...I can’t deny their deaths forever. It doesn’t work like that.” The Doctor frowned, taking a deep, shuddering breath. She could feel Kate shifting, too, seemingly trying to be more comfortable against her chest.

 

“Easy for you to say. Us others are  _ actually stuck here _ . We can grief and mourn and lament our lot all we wish, but it will not do anything but kill us faster. It will not bring them back and…” Her voice grew frail, and The Doctor pulled her close, turning her so she was turned towards her instead. The soft face of the woman she’d known since she was a but a baby buried itself in her clothes, and The Doctor could tell she was close to crying. “You can run, Doctor. As far and fast as you wish, only to eventually come back to before it all happened...but I  _ can’t _ ! So don’t tell me of how much it  _ hurts _ !” The sudden burst of anger was unexpected, but understandable. 

 

The Doctor knew that saying something would bring more heartache, so she stood still, quite. She cradled the crying woman to her chest, stubbornly ignoring her own desperate tears.

 

Because no matter what, she had but one loyalty. One single duty, in which she would never falter. In which she  _ couldn’t  _ falter.

 

Protecting those that she left behind. 

  
Protecting  _ Kate Lethbridge-Stewart _


	16. Liz Shaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ship Liz and The Brigiadier so if anyone got an issue with that you may skip this chapter.
> 
> I also relate to Liz on spirotual level bc im tired of male fuckery and frequently feel at least a bit smarter than my classmates.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

**Liz Shaw**

 

As soon as The Doctor came close to the cottage, she could sense that something was off. As per usual, she had not bothered to check the date she landed on, but she could tell it was the wrong one.

 

All the doors and windows of the small summer home was currently open - something The Brigadier never allowed due to his paranoia.The Doctor could also tell that only a few of the lamps were lit inside,  despite the setting sunset outside.

 

“Hello?” She called out softly as she came upon the doorstep, stepping through the doorway when there was no response. It was dark in the hallway and she was not quite certain if she’d dare keep walking, lest there was aliens lurking in the shadows and waiting for her. “Hello? Anyone home?” She called out again, for good measure.

 

“Alistair?” The voice that finally responded was hoarse and tired, but full of hope. It was decidedly different from the last time she’d heard it, but familiar still.

 

“Liz?” The Doctor followed the voice, soon finding herself standing in the cozy living room and staring out into the semi-darkness claiming the room. The only source of light was a small fire burning in the open fire place, but thanks to her enhanced Time Lady biology The Doctor could see perfectly fine anyway.

 

She could certainly see good enough to notice the old, grayhaired woman sitting on the forest green coach. She was wrapped in plaid quilt and quietly crying, immediately sending a stab of worry through The Doctor’s chest.

 

“Who are you? What do you want?” Liz Shaw’s voice is now hard, and the old doctor quickly trying to dry her tears as she caught sight of the woman standing in front of her.

 

“Why are you crying, Liz? Is everything alright?” The Doctor couldn’t even think of introducing herself or engaging in social pleasantries. Not now, not when the once proud and unbreakable Dr Elizabeth Shaw was sitting in front of her and crying. 

 

“I’m...I...it’s fine.” Liz dries more tears, and now The Doctor can really tell that something is wrong, because this wasn’t normal. HIs LIz had never been this way, should never be this way, and she just wanted it to stop. “Besides, I really don’t think it’s any concern for a stranger as to why I’d be crying.”

 

The word ‘stranger’ seems to finally make it through to The Doctor, and she realises that Liz really doesn't know who she. It was long ago and not for very long that they had known each other, and she couldn’t be expected to remember.

 

“I’m sorry I… we knew each other long go. I was a foolish old man and you were so brilliant, it was only to be expected that you’d leave. Passing me the test tubes could never be enough for you.” Even though their time together had been short-lived, The Doctor remembered it with happiness. 

 

The surprise on Liz face as she heard what she was saying was priceless, her hole cold surface opening up in shock and delight. “Doctor?” She croaked, her voice almost breaking as she said that one faithful word. 

 

“Hello Liz.” The Doctor smiled, happy with her reaction. She hadn’t been sure the other woman would be quite pleased to see her, but it didn’t appear as though she was of much mind. “Been a long time, hasn’t it?”

 

“Oh Doctor! I’m sorry I didn’t recognise you. Alistair always seemed to recognise you no matter where you popped up, but I never got the hang of it…” She smiled bitterly, suddenly moving over to the corner of the sofa. “So rude of me! Hogging the entire couch and forcing you to stand… come sit down, Doctor!” She patted the cushion next to her, and this time her smile was a little more real.

 

“Thank you. Now, tell me what’s wrong.” Obediently, The Doctor sat down beside her, putting her hand on her knee. She could still see remnants of tears in Liz’s eyes, and it hurt her more than she’d ever admit. Her proud scientist, all broken down. 

 

“Oh, it’s silly. It’s just...Alistair. He was supposed to come back from his latest half-official hush-hush mission two days ago, but I still haven’t heard anything.” New tears started welling up in Liz eyes, so she turned her head towards the remnants of the fire instead. Even know that she knew that the woman sitting beside her was The Doctor, she was unwilling to let her see her weakness.

 

The Doctor used the pause in the conversation to observe her old friend, cataloging all the details of her face that hadn’t been there the last time they’d met. Even though she'd grown old, permanent lines now scaring her once perfect skin, she was still so distinctly  _ Liz _ . It was something with her eyes, The Doctor soon decided. There was something in those deep green eyes that never changed. Even so many year later, all cried out and red rimmed, they still held the very same look that they had had the first time she looked into them 

 

In her eyes, The Doctor could see Liz’s soul. 

 

“I’m really sorry, Doctor, it’s horribly stupid of me to be crying this…” Liz words startled The Doctor, dragging her out of her thoughts only to realise that she never answered to what she had said.

 

“No, no, it’s not silly!” Capturing Liz face in her hand, The Doctor  turned her head so they were looking eachother in the eyes. “You’re worried about him. You’re worried because you love him and you do not want anything to happen to him. That’s fantastic, not stupid. The Brigadier needs that more than you know. He needs love.” Content that she was listening, The Doctor let go of her friends face once more and leaned back against the couch.

 

She knew what would happen with Alistair and Elizabeth’s relationship. She knew of their love for each other and their presumably yet to come marriage. She’d seen them spend their last years together, and even though Elizabeth would have to spend a year alone after her husband’s death they’d still hold on to the very end. 

 

The Doctor knew they needed each other more  than any of them understood.

 

“Thank you, Doctor.” Sighing tiredly, Liz leaned against The Doctor’s shoulder, her head landing in the crock of her neck. “I’m not used to worrying about someone else all the time. Not that Alistair can’t handle himself, of course. I just don’t want anything to happen to him.” 

 

“What year is it?” It was an impulsive question, absentmindedly slipping out of The Doctor’s mouth as she snuggled closer to Liz, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. It felt good to cuddle the warm body underneath the tartan blanket beside her.

 

“2005. August 15th.” Liz stated seriously, before suddenly burst out laughing. 

 

“What's so funny?” The Doctor asked, a bright smile on her lips. Just as it felt good to cuddle with Liz on the couch, it felt good to hear her laugh. 

 

“It really is you, Doctor. Only you would follow up a profound explanation of how important my love for Alistair is by asking  _ what year it is _ !” She continued laughing, every jolly laughter shaking The Doctor’s shoulder, and soon The Doctor was laughing too.

 

“ _ Of course  _ it’s me! Who else would come but in on what’s supposed to be you and Alistair's private vacation? Even Kate knows to stay away.” She said, her voice incredulous. “Only The Doctor has the  _ right  _ to butt in on this vacation!” 

 

“And so you did.” Liz concluded, suddenly sitting up and turning on the lamp on the side of the couch. “Now, let me take a look at you. I haven’t even had time to inspect your new appearance properly yet.” Liz demanded, leaning back once the lamp was turned on and spreading it’s golden light across the small room.

 

Squinting at her, The Doctor was deeply confused when Liz didn’t seem to see her any better with the lights turned on. She was just about to ask if she was okay, when she caught sight of something lying on the table on Liz’s side of the couch. Giggling, The Doctor reached out and grabbed the red-framed glasses, carefully putting them in place on Liz face. “Don’t forget your glasses. You’ve grown old, my dear.”

 

“I am aware. And you’ve grown female.” Adjusting the glasses a bit, she looked back up at The Doctor and smiled. “That’s better! Wow, aren’t you a beauty? I like the hair. Very fitting.” Boldly, she stuck out a hand and gently grabbed onto a piece of The Doctor’s hair, feeling it’s texture. “You really are a sight to behold, Doctor! It feels a bit odd to think your the frustrating old roaster I used to know...but I can't say I mind your new appearances. Besides, it is positively  _ fascinating _ from a scientific point of view.”

 

“Oh, you got a lot of new faces still coming. This is just the mild beginning.” The Doctor showed a wicked grin, enveloping Liz thin frame in a tight embrace. “An amazing beginning.” 

 

“Aaaah stop it Doctor!” Liz protested weakly, trying to escape her grip as she suddenly felt the slender fingers around her waist starting to tickle her. 

 

“I am never stopping! You know I don’t give up!” She kept on tickling Liz, enjoying the way she squealed and squirmed underneath her fingers, and somewhere in the back of her mind she wished she’d been prone to silliness like this already back when they first met. Her heart ached with lost opportunities, but swelled with hope and love as it thought of the opportunities yet to come.

 

“In that case, neither am I!” Liz replied between laughing fit, childishly rebuking by trying to tickle The Doctor as well. And while it was something she barely felt, she happily played it up for Liz, enjoying her happiness when she had something else then Alistair’s delayed return to think of.

 

And so, they were in the middle of tickling each other like two silly school children on a sleepover, when they suddenly heard the door opening audibly, something heavy hitting the floor soon after.

 

“Alistair?” Immediately sobering at the sound, Liz pushed away The Doctor and sat up straight, her eyes wide and full of hope. There could only have been one person making that sound, creeping into the cottage so very late at night, and they both knew it.

 

But The Doctor also knew that she now had to leave the house. It’d been dangerous to stay anywhere that crossed the Brigadier’s timeline to begin with, but she had, and this was now her warning, telling her how close she was to upsetting the timelines.

 

“Elizabeth?” Alistair’s strong base soon answered Liz’s, resonating from the hallway where The Doctor knew that he was waiting for his girlfriend to join him.

 

“Alistair!” With the desperation of someone who had truly missed and worried about their other half, Liz called out again, quickly getting to her feet and leaving the room. She could hear Alistair laughing as Liz hugged him, and though she wanted to, she couldn’t possibly stay.

 

She wasn’t supposed to witness this moment, to see her oldest friend propose to his third and last wife. 

 

Because in three weeks time he would be sitting on the very same couch that she was now. Her 7th self, sipping tea and eating crumpets and carefully observing the considerable diamond now decorating Liz’s ring finger. He’d see their smiles and glances and ask if there was something they would like to tell, and they’d announce it. 

 

They were getting married, a year later to the date in a little chapel by the beach. He was invited, as many of him as he wanted. They knew they couldn’t stop him from coming either way.

 

She remembered the feelings of both surprise and satisfaction washing over him, his congratulations the most sincere words he’d said since his regeneration. He hadn’t known, and Liz and Alistair had not mentioned him being there for the occasion, and as such The Doctor knew she could not stay.

 

As she heard two pairs of footsteps coming closer, she was finally pushed into action by the mere extreme of the situation. She got to her feet, leaving the cozy cottage behind as she quickly ran through the kitchen and out the backdoor, racing up the hill on her way back to the TARDIS.

 

She fled, but felt happy nonetheless. The reason she had gathered courage and went around to visit so many old companions in her new body, was because she wanted to create mutual happiness. She wanted the forgotten to feel less forgotten, and she wanted to get herself accustomed to this brand new body. 

 

Liz Shaw had been a coincidence, but one of the happiest yet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments pls! They make my day! <3


	17. Tegan Jovanka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Australia next!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this is very personal to my interpetation of Tegan's character. Because for me, she is one of the character who left but never LEFT. Mentally I thinks he'd have a hard tine letting go of the past.

**Tegan Jovanka**

 

Tegan Jovanka was having a slow day. There had been a massive flooding in the house where Tegan had her office, and rather than working from home, she’d decided to just take the day off. It wasn’t the proper thing to do, but sometimes Tegan found that she just didn’t care.

 

And so, there she was, lying on her stomach underneath a tree somewhere and drawing absentmindedly. She was currently working on the celery stick sticking out of the pocket on the jacket worn by the man she was drawing, putting ridiculous amounts of  energy into getting every detail  _ just so _ . The celery stick had been an object of vital importance to him, and didn’t wish to make it injustice.

 

It wasn’t the first time she drew a picture of The Doctor. Well over a decade after they parted, and whenever she let her mind wander it still came back to him. She could see him stand around, laugh or eating celery with the others in the TARDIS console room. 

 

Even after so long, her heart had not moved an inch. It always belonged to The Doctor and the TARDIS, and always would. 

  
  


Well over a decade later, she still remembered them vividly enough that there was hardly any difference in the pictures she’d drawn of them right after she’d left, and those that she was drawing now. She hadn't forgotten a single thing about them.

 

“That’s an awfully pretty drawing. You’re good at drawing.” 

 

The voice addressing her is soft and sudden, startling her enough to knock over her water bottle on the paper. The acidic tropic fruit juice discoloured and dissolved the material as her once beautiful drawing was reduced to a pile of pineapple smelling goo decorated with streaks of blue ink.

 

“Well it’s ruined now.” She answered, not bothering to even look at the person who’d addressed her. They had destroyed her piece of art and as such didn’t deserve pleasantries.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” The person sounds almost pathetic, far more guilty over a ruined drawing that one ought to be, and it makes Tegan feel bad for being so rude. At this point, curiosity wins, and Tegan can’t help but look up to see who it is that she’s talking to.

 

“It’s fine, it’s just a drawing.” She says, angling her head upwards and coming face to face with a pair of chestnut brown eyes, the blonde hair hanging down over them a stark contrast. Tegan is quite certain she has never seen this woman before, though gorgeous she might be. Oddly enough, it just makes her want to know more about her.

 

Seeing that Tegan was now looking at her, the younger woman sat down next to her. “It’s too bad though, it really was a gorgeous drawing. Though that celery stick in the breast pocket was weird.” She frowned, making a sort of confused face as she mentioned the celery. Tegan laughed.

 

“He was a sort of weird man, The Doctor.” She said softly, a stab of pain hitting her as she thought of her lost friend. He had been weird, but a good sort of weird that just made you appreciate the person even more.

 

“So you knew him, then? The man you were drawing. Not just some stranger from the street.” The woman asked, clearly curious and wanting to know more as she leaned in towards Tegan.

 

“Oh yes. We were very good friends. He and I and some other friends traveled the world for a bit.” She smiled mischievously, a funny thought entering her head. “Might have been more than friends if he wasn't gay and I wasn’t lesbian.”

 

“He was gay?” The woman looked honestly surprised, as though she had really not been expecting  it, and Tegan laughed.

 

“Oh yes, and got me laid. Sort of, anyway. here was this other girl, Nyssa, who traveled with us for a bit. We dated, but broke it off when she left.” Tegan poked at the wet pile that had once been her drawing with the green pencil, trying to suppress a sudden feeling of monumental loss. “He had his own guy, anyway. A boy named  _ Vislor Turlough _ , of all things. Obnoxious and a redhead, but decent overall. I don’t think they ever knew that I knew they were shagging, though. The Doctor liked to keep things  _ proper _ .” Tegan could still see it in front of her. The half-naked, freckled redhead sleeping in The Doctor’s bed. Turlough had been cuddling a purple pillow and his legs had been hanging over the edges, blissfully unaware of Tegan’s presence. The scene would almost have been cute, hadn’t it been for the obnoxiously loud snoring. To this day she swore it would have woken the dead if the TARDIS had not soundproofed the room.

 

“Oh” The blonde woman blushed, her face suddenly bright red and obviously embarrassed. “I...oh.” The woman seemed unable complete her sentence, her sudden shock and embarrassment too strong to let her finish. 

 

Tegan found it odd, because it wasn’t as though she had known The Doctor and Turlough, but maybe she was just very prudent. Prudent enough that she found a direct mention of two people sleeping together obscene and embarrassing.

 

“Yeah. None of our relationships were  _ really  _ a secret, but The Doctor disliked talking of such things. Maybe it was because he was sort of like a… a father figure, to some of us. To Nyssa, certainly, and to Adric.” She could feel herself drifting off, her eyes closing as memories of days long past took over. She thought of Nyssa and Adric and Turlough, of everything she had ever appreciated about them. The way they looked and laughed and loved and oh, how she  _ missed  _ them. Them and The Doctor and the TARDIS and everything else that had made those years of her life that she’d given away to their travels worth it.

 

Over a decade had passed and Tegan still felt as though she never landed. Like she was still standing there at an airport in the 1980s and waiting for The Doctor to  _ come back _ . 

 

Because back then, all that mattered was the fact that he couldn’t just leave her there. He couldn’t just expect her to accept that he was gone and move on.

 

Only difference was that that time, in the 80s, he  _ had _ come back. It had all been a big mistake and he  _ had  _ returned eventually. But not now. Not this time, because this time it had been over for ten years and she had built a life for herself  and it was all supposed to be behind her for good.

 

She didn’t think of the suitcase under her bed. She did _not_ think of how she was still ready to up and leave with a moments notice. She would _never_ think of how it sat inside her, a habit that had buried itself so deep down within her brain that she could not get rid of it no matter how hard she tried.

 

“Tegan?” 

 

She feels something moving in front of her face. Slowly, she opens her eyes again. The mysterious woman is sitting in front of her and looking overly concerned, her hand traveling once more across Tegan’s field of vision as if to check that she could see it.

 

“Stop that! I’m fine.” She swat away the hand, uncomfortable with having the limb so close to her face, and tries to sit up properly. Truth to be told she hadn’t been aware that she’d laid down in the first place, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t mean she wasn’t fine.

 

“Sorry” The woman apologised, retracting her hand from her face. “I got worried. It almost looked like you fainted, Tegan. You were completely unresponsive for a good five minutes at the very least.” The woman gave her a crooked smile, and this time it was Tegan who felt mildly embarrassed.

 

“I see. No, it’s fine, I just...I just drifted off. It happens sometimes and…” She stopped, suddenly realising something. “Wait, what did you call me?” 

 

“Tegan. Tegan Jovanka. That  _ is  _ your name, isn’t it?” The woman was now starting to look worried again, but for another reason completely.

 

“Yes, but how the fuck do you know that? I didn’t tell you my name. Fuck, I don’t even know  _ your _ name!” She stared angrily at her, waiting for the woman to break and admit to being some kind of weird stalker or something. It wasn’t as though Tegan hadn’t dealt with creepers and stalkers before, she had had her fair lot of them since she started appearing in media with her 

activism. Only normally they were men, and a good bit older than this woman was. 

 

If she actually was some kind of creepy stalker, Tegan would really be surprised. The other woman didn’t at all appear the type, and up till she said Tegan’s name she had believed her to be nothing more than a kind and curious stranger who liked chatting. 

 

“Uh, I’m, I…” The woman stuttered, trying to formulate a good response under Tegan’s firm gaze. “We know each other. You, I, we...we met. Long ago and by mistake.” She finally squeezed out, her facial expression closest resembling a child caught with her hand in a cookie jar. Tegan didn’t buy it at all.

 

“Look, you’re good, I’ll give you that you little cunt. Normally the people stalking me are men about twenty years your senior, and I didn’t actually suspect anything until you said my name. But now you’re fucking busted, so you better just tell me the truth, okay?”

 

The woman shook her head. “We really do know each other. I’m not a creepy stalker, Tegan. I’m…” The woman hesitated. Her voice was completely honest, and Tegan was almost willing to believe what she was saying thus far, but she seemed scared to finally say what was on her mind and it made her suspicious again. “I’m  _ The _ Doctor, Tegan.  _ Your  _ Doctor.”

 

Her words were like physical attacks, painting her with mental bruises and stealing the air from her lungs. The dizziness that followed was so strong that she almost toppled over completely, her gut suddenly trying to escape her mouth.

 

The acid burned in her throat as she desperately tried to swallow the vomit again, the chunky texture of her half-digested meal already coating her tongue and making her nausea even worse. 

 

With a sickening  _ splat! _ , Tegan finally threw up her lunch in The Doctor’s lap. The chunky, yellow-orange goo landed on the black fabric, discolouring and staining them as the fabric quickly started to absorb the foul-smelling mess. Tegan didn’t know who it was that was more horrified, her or The Doctor, but it was clear that it was not anything either of the two woman had expected.

 

“I’m...I’m sorry. I just…” She gagged, bending over on the grass and expelling a small puddle of water and stomach acid between her own legs. “I didn’t mean to throw up.” Fruitlessly, she tried to clear some of the vomit from her face with her hand.

 

“Here. Use these.” The Doctor offered her a handful of paper napkins that she gratefully accepted, cleaning her hands and face with the thin papers.

 

“Thank you.” She sigh, watching as the other woman pulled out more napkins from her pocket and dried to dry up some of the vomit on her pants. “I really don’t know why I reacted like that.”

 

It was a lie. Tegan  _ did  _ know why she had reacted like she did. She had reacted like she did because after over ten years of constant readiness, unable to let go and unable to move on, he had come back. With a new face and pretending like he - she - didn’t even know Tegan, The Doctor had come stumbling right back into her life.

 

It was too much.  _ It was too much _ .

 

Finally, Tegan broke completely. Burying her head in her hands she started crying uncontrollably, shoulders shaking and the nausea from earlier returning once more, making her scared thinking she might throw up again.

 

“Schhh, Schhh. It’s alright Tegan. It’s alright.” Vaguely, she was aware of The Doctor’s warm arms finally pulling her closer, her head landing softly on the other woman's chest as she continued crying her heart out. 

 

“I never thought I’d see you again.” She mumbled, hiccups and sobs slurring her speech, making it hard for her to make herself understood. 

 

“It was you who chose to leave.” The Doctor’s voice is strangled and Tegan wonder if she’s started crying, too, because it damn well sounded like it. “I never forced you to go, not once. I wouldn't. You know that.” The Doctor’s voice crack and it makes Tegan feel horrible to know she pushed The Doctor to that point.

 

“Yes. And it was damn well the stupidest thing I ever did.” She replied, opening her eyes but not looking up at The Doctor’s face, stubbornly staring into her chest instead. 

 

“But look at you now!” The Doctor protested immediately, her arms closing tighter around Tegan. “You’re a hero. A world-famous human rights activist fighting for Aboriginal rights. Best friends with Dorothy McShane, the founder of the ACE foundation. You have a great life!”

 

“Is that what you said to Sarah Jane?” She’s not being fair. She is  _ so  _ not being fair. She shouldn’t be reminding The Doctor of his past mistakes. Yet, Tegan can’t help but do it, because it hurts.

 

It hurts to have The Doctor take everything at face value, assuming it is all fine because she has built a life for herself. Because she did whatever she could to forget.

 

Sarah Jane had come a much shorter way in a much longer amount of time,  but it didn’t take away from the similarity of their situations.

 

“Don’t say that, Tegan.” The Doctor’s voice is low and pleading, her grip firmer as she held Tegan in her arms. She can tell that she hurt The Doctor properly, and it almost feels good because it gave her a taste of how it actually felt for Tegan.

 

“But it is! I was in such a hurry to be on my own again, to get away from everything that scared me, that I never stopped to think of what I had to lose.” She pushed herself away from The Doctor’s chest, looking up at her sadly. “Over ten years, Doctor. It’s been over  _ ten years  _ and I still dream of the time you left me at that Airport. Then I wake up, and I wish...I  _ wish _ I could have one last adventure with you. To feel whole.” She swallowed audibly, chastising herself for vocalizing such a shameless request.

 

But what was said was said, and Tegan could see something in The Doctor’s dark eyes shifting. Abruptly, she stood up, brushing grass from her knees and looking Tegan straight in the eyes.

 

For a long while, The Doctor just stared at her. It was a bit unsettling after a while, but seeing the glazed over expression in those dark orbs, Tegan understood was happening. The Doctor was clearly zooming out, just as she had earlier, and so she  waited patiently.

 

Finally, The Doctor comes back to the world. She blinks, she stands up properly and offer Tegan her hand. “My TARDIS is just up the hill, there's no other companions at the moment and I’m relatively sure I could still find the invitation to an intergalactic wine tasting I got a couple of regenerations back. That is, if you feel like joining?”

 

The Doctor laugh, and Tegan laugh, and there are even more tears but they’re happy instead as The Doctor helps her up.

 

As The Doctor got Tegan standing, she pulls her close once more, a mischievous smile on her lips. “Intergalactic wine tasting. Something small, but perfect to end with. One last adventure, doing our very best.” 

  
“Doing our very best.” Tegan agrees, her eyes sparkling with excitement and anticipation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos & comments!


	18. Text message: Tegan Jovanka and Dorothy McShane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short little interlude on the subject of The Doctor offer to take Tegan to an Intergalatic wine tasting!

**Text message interlude Ace McShane & Tegan Jovanka**

 

Teegs [9 AM]: Your not going to believe where I am right now, Dotty. Seriously. You fucking won’t. No fucking way im barely even believing myself rn.

 

Ace ( Dorothy) [9:35 AM]: Arent u in Australia? Where u are suppose to be? Anymore? Or where else could u be. I mean it's not like ur in space or anythin. 

 

Teegs [9:40 AM]: BUT I AM. I swear to fucking god I. AM. IN. THE. TARDIS. The Doctor - who is a woman now fyi - is taking me to an Intergalactic winetasting. I am traveling on board the TARDIS with The Doctor again like fuck me this is amazing.

 

Ace (Dorothy) [9:40 AM]: Bruh no way! That is SO wicked! Better say hi from me, Jovanka. And enjoy yourself. No point in being onboard the TARDIS if you’re just gonna be texting with me, is there?

 

Teegs [9:45 AM]: I know. And I promise I will. But right now we’re in flight and The Doctor disposed of me in my old room. There's really not much to do except trying to start reading the romance novel I never finished two decades ago again. I still cant fucking believe this is happening to me. Like holy hell Im serious here.

 

Ace (Dorothy) [9:50 AM]: But it IS. Or so u say. Better enjoy it while it last Jovanka cuz it wont come back. Plus u always wanted 1 last trip and now u gettin it. So be happy ok?

 

Teegs [10AM]: Promise I will Dotty. That is if I survive this. With my luck we’ll run into some monster or another before the second sip.

 

Ace (Dorothy) [10:05 AM]: 10 Bucks on the Daleks. Tin buckets with plungers everywhere.

 

Teegs [10:10 AM]: U rll hate me don’t u? But I’ll counter with fifteen on the Sontarans. Those potato cunts are literally everywhere.

 

Anyway, The Doctor says weve arrived so im out. Talk to u later.


	19. Ace McShane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly dont know what this is. Chaos. Bittersweet. Father/daughter dynamic. Autons. Explosions. A lost plot.
> 
> Best is probably to just read it and see for yourself

**Ace Mcshane**

 

She hears someone scream, high pitched and terrified. A hand is grabbing on to her own, and Dotty runs faster than she’s done in a long time.

 

It all goes on instinct, her muscle memory reacting faster than her body can process what she is doing, and by the time she thinks to look who is leading her she hears the person in front of her yelling again.

 

“Get down Ace!” The person in front of her scream and she throws herself to the ground without asking, muscle memories taking over once again as she feel the ground beneath her shake. It seems the whole world is put off balance, the deafening sound of an explosion echoing between the houses on the empty London street.

 

Dotty smiles bitterly.

 

Lying there on the ground, her arms on her head as she waited out the aftermath of the explosion, Dotty couldn’t help but feel excited. It was exhilarating, the sound of destruction and smell of ashes bringing her back to her youth. 

 

It reminded her of a past she had long since left behind, and yet, it still felt  _ good _ .

 

“Good job. Glad to see you still know what to do, Ace.” A female voice, smooth as silk and entire unfamiliar to Dotty, speak, and for some reason her gut clenches painful as she hears it. It feels like a warning, a bad omen telling her she’s about to do something stupid. Nonetheless, she looks up to see who is addressing her. 

 

As she looks up, the first thing she sees is a pair of rich brown eyes. They’re beautiful, almond shaped and decorated with thick eyelashes, fitting perfectly into a square shaped face. The angels of the masculine face are softened by a curtain of blond hair barely reaching down to the woman’s cheek, making her seem more feminine. The woman smiles invitingly, offering Dotty her hand, and Dotty takes it without a second thought.

 

“My name is not Ace.” She says decidedly, heaving herself up with the help of the other woman’s arm and quickly brushing off her brand-new jeans. She is not used to being addressed by her past name, and somehow it bothers her more than the dirt on her pants.

 

The woman shrugged. “Was last time I talked to you, and you still react to it.” She says it dismissively, seemingly not really caring what Dotty had to say about it. “I can call you something else, if you prefer it?” She smiles, again, and Dotty realises she wasn’t dismissive about her thoughts and feelings. She simply didn’t think it was worth it to make such a huge deal out of a name.

 

Only for Dotty, it was. Ace was for her something long since gone and buried deep inside. It was blue police boxes and small Scottish men and planets where never before a human had set foot. 

 

It was hurt and abandonment and feeling more lost than ever before.

 

She wasn’t Ace anymore, and would never be Ace again, either. For better or for worse, she had left Ace behind.

 

“You can call me Dotty. Though I am quite certain we have never met before, Miss Stranger.” She looked up at the sky, seeing the thick black smoke flying by overhead, and felt her stomach twisting painfully once more. If it hadn’t been for the stranger grabbing her by the hand, she would have died. Blown up and never to be seen again. 

 

Would anyone even have missed her? Dotty didn’t have any family and barely any close friends. Tegan Jovanka was the only person she would actually dare say she had any kind of attachment to, and she couldn’t imagine the charming Australian would have missed her much. Dotty many not have anyone else, but Tegan certainly did. 

 

“Ac...I mean Dotty. Please, look at me.” The woman’s voice is soft, a pale hand sneaking into Dotty’s own and holding on tightly. It felt grounding, dragging her away from worrisome thoughts as the strange woman squeezed her hand once more. Slowly, Dotty did turn to look at her. The strange woman smiled. “It’s okay. You are okay, and no one died. They were just robots, all of them. I promise.” She smiles, and for some reason Dotty can’t find it comforting.

 

“Robots?” A horrible memory resurface in Dotty’s brain, stealing her breath away. She can see a silver robot taking a strangling grip on The Doctor, lifting him off the ground as he struggled to break free, his powers diminishing along with the oxygen. She shakes her head, banishing the memory because she’s not supposed to think about that anymore. “You mean those people were  _ robots? _ ” 

 

The woman shake her head energetically, blonde hair swishing about. “No, not cybermen. Definitely not  _ cybermen _ .”  It is so clear, that they have been thinking of the same thing, the same  _ robots _ . She doesn’t know why, but for some reason she finds it a small comfort.

 

With all she’d experienced, she had felt like a madwoman for so many years. Even after having made friends with Tegan, Sarah Jane and Barbara and Ian, she’d still felt crazy because of her own thoughts. After all, no one surrounding her on a daily basis knew what she knew, and sometimes it made her feel as though she was mad.

 

“So what kind of robots were they, then? They looked human.” She asks, knowing that there are more urgent questions she should be asking, but not asking them all the same.

 

“Autons. They always look human!” The woman smiled, a slightly crazy sort of grin, and barely flinched as another explosion went off in the distance. “Looks like it’s time to run, Ace!” Despite her earlier promise not to call her Ace, she did, and Dotty was starting to feel fed up.

 

“It’s  _ Dotty _ . Short for  _ Dorothy _ .  _ Please _ .” She snapped. It hurt, to hear a name she hadn’t used in so long coming out of this strange woman’s mouth and she wanted her to  _ stop _ . She didn’t want to be reminded of old sins. Realising she was quite on edge, she took a deep breath to try and calm herself down before continuing. “And I’m not running anywhere with you until I know who you are!”

 

There’s a third explosion, much closer than the second one, and Dotty can feel the ground shaking beneath her combat boots. There’s black smoke and orange-yellow flames rising against the sky, the smell of ashes thicker than ever in the air. It doesn’t feel good anymore, and most of all Dotty wanted it all to be a twisted nightmare.

 

Once, explosions had felt like a comfort.

 

Now, it felt like fear and pain.

 

“Dotty, look, I would love to talk to you. I’ve been dreaming of talking to you longer than you know. But  _ only  _ when I know you are safe.” The mysterious woman stretched out her hand, offering it to Dotty. The gesture felt familiar, and she almost grabbed it on reflex. “ _ Let’s go _ .”

 

But she hesitates. It’s crazy, to listen to and trust a woman she has never seen before in her life this much. It’s reckless and stupid and intellectually, Dotty knows she  _ shouldn't _ , but her instincts disagree.

 

Her instincts recognises something her eyes don’t and she knows she had never trusted anyone more than she does this woman. So finally, she nods and take the stranger's hand. “Let’s go.”

 

In one swift moment, they’re off, running down the street at top speed in order to escape whatever was happening behind them, and Dotty can’t even find it in herself to be terrified.

 

“Doctor Disco to Tiger. I’m coming in, one civilian too.” From her coat pocket, the woman pulls out a radio, talking into it while holding a green button.

 

“Copy that. We’ll be waiting to let you through, Doctor.” A female voice answered in the radio, and for Dotty it was as though the world suddenly disappeared around her.

 

_ Doctor _ . The woman in the radio had called the woman beside her  _ Doctor _ , and the woman had called herself  _ Doctor Disco _ as  a code name.

 

Suddenly, she knew who the woman beside her was, and it pulled the ground away from right under her feet.

 

The woman beside her was not only  _ a _ Doctor. She was  _ The  _ Doctor. The crazy man in the blue box who’d saved her on Ice World, taking her on after his own companion left. 

 

The man who still haunted her dreams, turned into a woman and saving her from explosions and what not like just another day of the job, nothing ever having changed at all. It made her feel sick to her stomach, made her feel as though her mind was disconnecting from her body and the world around her, pulling everything away as her mind was taken over by memories.

 

The memories of all the good things that she had loved with her travels. Hugs, sunsets and home cooked Sunday night dinners, all the things her family on Earth had never offered. The things that her poor sixteen year old self had dreamed of but never thought she’d ever have.

 

The memories of the bad things, people screaming and terrifying monsters lashing out at her with fangs and claws. All the times they barely escaped, half- dead and still running, which had yet to leave her mind on particularly bad nights. 

 

“Dotty, can you hear me? Dotty…” As though emerging from water, Dotty slowly feels her mind reconnecting with her body and the world around her. She could hear The Doctor speaking, the silky voice filled with worry as she whispered in her ear. Slowly, she opens her heavy eyelids, letting her eyes take in her surroundings.

 

Dotty was sitting down. She didn’t know when they stopped running and reached safety, but somehow they obviously had. It’s a dark, neutral concrete prison that surrounds her and The Doctor. The chair beneath her bum is hard and wooden and uncomfortable and it almost feels like being back in school.

 

“Doctor?” She asks, voice quivering slightly. Her eyes met The Doctors, and the fear and worry in them almost stole her breath away.

 

“Dorothy McShane! Never thought I’d live to see the day you’d call me that! It was always Proffesor this and Proffesor that with you!” The Doctor exclaimed, the fear in her eyes melting away as she laughed wholeheartedly.

 

Dotty smile a little too, comforted by The Doctor’s happiness. “If you get my name right, I get yours right.” She said jokingly, a little relieved to not be called Ace. It just didn’t feel right anymore.

 

The Doctor smile dies down a little, and she nods. “I always did that back in the old days, if I remember correctly.” She says, and her voice is solem.

 

“Yes well I grew up. How can you be a female now, Doctor?” Ignoring the sudden downturn,  Dotty jumped straight to the important question. It was something she hadn’t had much time to consider, but now that they were sitting face to face and talking it felt all the more important.

 

“I regenerated. I told you about that, didn’t I? Brand new face and personality. Sometimes even gender. Do you like it?” She make a sweeping gesture with her hand, drawing it across her new body and Dotty can tell she likes it.

 

It make her laugh, pure and honest. She looked nothing like  _ her  _ Doctor had, but her sense of style wasn’t half bad. “Of course I do Professor! It’s beautiful.” 

 

“Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself, and it’s fun seeing you again. I’m sorry about the hole deal with the Autons and everything I just saw you in the square and thought I couldn’t let you blow up. The world would suffer if they lost a gift like you.” There’s fear in her eyes again, and Dotty wonders, if it’s something to do with her.

 

“Do...Professor. Professor, are you afraid of me?” She speaks slowly, uncomfortable with being so far out of her comfort zone, and grabs The Doctor’s hands on instinct. They’re cold and small and feels weird to hold, so different from the calloused fists of  _ her  _ Doctor. 

 

She feels scared, too. She had come such a long way from the child she had been when she met The Doctor, and being back with her again she felt as though she was caught in a cage all too small for her. Trying to fit in the mold made for who she had been then and no longer fitting it.

 

“I’m not afraid of you, Dotty.” Suddenly, she feels one of the small hands pulling away from her grip. She let it go, but cling on to the other, unwilling to break the physical contact with The Doctor. “I’m afraid of  _ losing  _ you.” The hand that pulled itself free comes to rest below her cheekbone, carefully caressing her cheek. Dotty closed her eyes, leaning in to the touch. “When I saw you standing there, alone and innocent among all those robots. I couldn’t let you die. I couldn’t just loose my child like that.” Her eyes are overflowing with desperation, her hand cupping Dotty’s face as though she’s scared she’ll disappear. 

 

“Your child?” She doesn't open her eyes as she asks the question, scared of what she might see in her eyes. It feels weird, to have someone refer to her as their child. She is almost thirty years old and has never been called someone’s child that she could remember. She wasn’t the child of someone, not ever. As she’d told Tegan once, when she was much younger: she was a no one’s child. She didn’t have a family as far as anyone asking her about it was concerned.

 

“I’m sorry if it feels strange. It’s just...him, your Doctor. He loved Mel. You remember Mel, don’t you? All sunshine and curly fire-red hair as far as the eyes can see...and that Doctor, he  _ loved _ her with all his hearts and so much more, knowing still he’d never have her. Knowing he didn’t love her in  _ that  _ way, because that wasn’t how he loved, but wanting her by his side all the same.” The Doctor paused, taking a deep breath and trying to gather her thoughts. It was hard, but she wanted to do it. “Seeing her leave with Glitz broke his heart. First, he just wanted to take care of you because it connected him to  _ her _ , but then it it became so much more...you became  _ his  _ Ace,  _ his _ child. Even when you’d left he would call or drop in on Sarah Jane as often as he could to know that you were doing good. Not even regeneration could stop him.”

 

Her arm snakes around Dotty’s waist, letting go of her face as she pulls her close and bury her face in her hair like  _ her  _ Doctor had sometimes used to do. “Of all my companions, you’re the only one I never lost track of. Never,  _ never  _ did I lose track of you.  _ Never  _ was I not ready to come back if you needed me.” Her voice is choking, tears dropping down on Dotty’s hair. 

 

“Well I’m here now.” Dotty doesn’t know who she’s trying to comfort, but she knows that it feels  _ right _ . It feels right to be hugged and pampered and curl up next to The Doctor at the end of a long day.

 

“Yes. And for now, we have  _ time _ .” The Doctor whispered, kissing her on the top of her head like she always did when she was younger and had nightmares. The Doctor would sit with her all night; hugging her tight and whispering comforting words until she fell asleep, always being there when they woke up again.

 

Sighing softly, Dotty felt tired. So much had happened in such a short span of time. Treacherously, her heavy eyelids slowly started to close, and she knew it’d be a struggle to stay awake any longer.

 

“Schh, sleep. I’ll stay. Just like the old times.” The Doctor hug her tighter, one hand combing through her hair, and Dotty didn't have it in her to keep awake any longer. Sighing softly, she closed her eyes.

 

The Doctor watched Dotty closing her eyes, falling asleep against her shoulder and snoring softly and she knew, for certain, that this was in fact still her little girl, and she was still her parent of sorts.

  
The Doctor kissed Dotty on the head once more, closing her eyes too. For just a moment, it felt perfect, like it was the old days once more. For one moment, The Doctor did not strive to care about anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos & comments thank you!


	20. Victoria Waterfield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, here is the next chapter! I am sorry it took so much time I'm still not satisfied, but I don't think I'll ever be, honestly. 
> 
> Chapter 21 will be: Harry Sullivan

“Victoria, honey, can you get some of the tomatoes from the garden? There should be a few ripe ones that I didn’t pick yesterday.” The voice of Maggie Harris drifted out through the kitchen window, soon  joined by another voice which The Doctor recognised all too well.

 

“Of course mum! I’ll be right back.” The voice being heard through the window was just as sweet and young as The Doctor remembered it. And even though she estimated that it must have been at least a couple of years since he and Jamie left her, it seemed Victoria Waterfield remained the same.

 

Soon, the back door swung open, and out came Victoria. She was barefoot and running down the steps, dressed in an oversized blue t-shirt with the text ‘I survived the rappel into Moaning Caverns, Calaveras County, California’. She had a green plastic bucket in one hand and an empty ice cream container in the other, both of them meant to be filled with ripe tomatoes from her mother’s garden. Soon, Victoria was happily sitting down in the grass next to two large tomato plants in ceramic pots. Humming a little melody to herself, she began to pick the ripe vegetables from their branches, carefully picking the ripe red tomatoes and leaving the green ones to mature.

 

Smiling, an incredible feeling of nostalgia creeping upon her, the Doctor opened the low gate leading to the garden and stepped into the plot of grass that lay securely hidden past the white painted fence. Sneaking across the front yard, The Doctor only get to walk a few paces unnoticed before the tiny face shot up from behind the  plants.

 

Her eyes are large and dark like a doe’s , The Doctor thought, a little fawn trying to decide if it should escape to it’s mommy. “Oh hello. Are you here to see Mrs Harris... I mean, my mum?” She smiled, clearly knowing no one would hurt her when she wore such a smile, and thus making herself feel safer.

 

The Doctor smiled sweetly back, but shook her head. “No. I’m looking for a girl that’s supposed to live here.” She paused, smiling as she saw those dark eyes widening. “Her name’s Victoria Waterfield, I believe. Do you know her?”

 

“Oh.” A little hint of shock showed on Victoria’s face. “That’s me. But it’s Harris, not Waterfield. I’m adopted now.” A somber shadow swept over her face, but it was soon replaced by a more concerned than saddened look, and she continued. “What do you want me for? Is it school again? Mr.Sheffield said he’d come by on Friday and I’ve been good all week. I even remembered to turn in my homeworks this week!” The last remark was almost desperate, her fear of another reprimand for missed school work overwhelming.

 

It hurt The Doctor to see the concern on Victoria’s face, and she wondered how hard school was for Victoria. When she left her, she had never considered how hard it would be to adapt to twentieth century education for the little girl from Victorian London. It was one of many, many things The Doctor never considered, and now that she knew how it hurt her,  The Doctor wished she had.

 

Deciding to push away her concerns for now, The Doctor still laughed happily. “No, no. I’m not from your school. I…” The Doctor paused. How was she to explain it? Jamie told Victoria about regeneration, she knew, but The Doctor didn’t know l if she’d understand the change of gender, too. All things considered, she’d need to be tactful at the very least. “You once knew a man called The Doctor, didn’t you?”

 

“How do you know The Doctor? Who are you?!” Scared, Victoria jumped to her feet and started backing towards the door. The Doctor swore silently, hurrying her next words as the girl started fumbling with the handle of the door behind her.

 

“He could regenerate, he could change his face, your Doctor. You know that.” It was getting hard. Victoria was terrified and The Doctor’s chest was hurting as her heart broke and she felt, more than before, that this wasn’t what was supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to  _ come back,  _ because it did nothing but hurt those that she loved. Backing a few steps herself, The Doctor was all but ready to run away again because she didn’t want to frighten Victoria further.

 

“Y-yes. But it doesn’t answer my question. Tell me who you are or I’ll scream.” Victoria took another step back, fear in her eyes, hand still struggling with the door handle. “They don’t call me leather lungs for nothing, you know!” She added, and now The Doctor knew she was not exaggerating. She still remembered how Victoria screamed when she met the ice warriors, and knew that the moment she decided to scream, every person within a ten mile radius would hear it and come running.

 

“Oh, no please don’t Victoria. It’s me, your friend, The Doctor. I regenerated!” The Doctor smiled,  praying that Victoria would believe her. She didn’t think she could bear to hear that horrifying scream directed at herself.

 

Thankfully, Victoria did not start screaming. Instead, she relaxed slightly and edged closer. “Doctor? You mean...you’re...you’re in there? Are you really a  _ woman _ now?” She looked confused, a little doubtful, but not half as scared as before. “Or are you one of those scary cybermen controlled humans? Or maybe you’re doing the bidding of the Daleks! ” Flinching violently and suddenly pulling back, Victoria’s eyes filled with tears as she remembered the monsters they’d encountered in past adventures.

 

The Doctor was shocked and appalled. Of all things in the world, that she could have been compared to, never had she thought Victoria would compare her to Daleks and Cybermen. It made her angry and upset, a feeling of betrayal hitting her at Victoria’s words. She couldn’t deal with it, she just couldn’t. It sent her mind into overdrive as memories of the time war started hitting her relentlessly. “NO! How can you think that of me, Victoria?! How can you think I’m one of the terrible, horrible monsters that hurt you so much?! That killed my  _ family _ !” She screamed, blind with rage and emotional turmoil, not even thinking of how surely it would scare Victoria. 

 

“AAAAAH!” Terrified and pushed over the edge by The Doctor screaming at her, Victoria began to scream, too, using the full capacity of her legendary lungs. The sound, vibrating with horror and terror, called attention and alarmed everyone close by.

 

The Doctor could hear something heavy hitting the floor in the kitchen, dropped at the sound of Victoria’s terrified screaming, and knew it was time to run.

 

Though the message didn’t seem to make it through to her brain, her legs moved on their own accord. Understanding her need to flee, they lifted her from the spot and sent her off running out the gate, speeding her way down the street as fast as she possibly could. 

 

It was the fight and flight reflex taking over, leading her on without any conscious thoughts passing through her head and telling her what to do. The Doctor just ran and ran and didn’t even think of stopping until she could see the blue police box parked at the side of the road.

 

Seeing that she was coming closer to the box, The Doctor used the last of her senseless desperation to will herself to go just a little faster. She longed to be back inside the TARDIS, to know that she was safe inside its walls and that nothing could hurt her anymore.

 

Finally the door opened before her and she stumbled on into the control room, exhausted but too wind up to even consider stopping.

 

With too many thoughts and feelings still running wild in her head, The Doctor put on the visualiser, knowing all too well it’d still  be focused on Victoria’s garden. The Doctor wanted to see her former companion, wanted to know what happened when she left her, the crippling guilt of her actions screaming at her from the back of her head.

 

Ever so slowly starting to calm down, The Doctor watched on the screen as Victoria’s mom held her daughter tight, rocking her back and forth as they sat on the grass. Victoria’s face was red from crying and screaming, tears still streaming down her face as she let her mother hold her and comfort her. Watching Victoria suffer, The Doctor felt overwhelmed with hatred and disgust.  

 

She shouldn’t have come back.  _ She shouldn’t have come back _ .

 

And yet, she’d been unable to stay away.

 

The Doctor missed Victoria like she did every other companion, and the thought of not including her along the way had been impossible. Not having seen her for so long, the idea had been too tempting, and somehow she’d hope it would all sort itself out if she just took a chance.

 

But the doubts fighting her had ultimately been too strong, and one misstep had soon become a hundred and it had all been lost.

 

_ She’d lost Victoria  _

 

The Doctor sank to the floor, hands over her eyes, crying herself into oblivion with her back against the TARDIS console. For The Doctor, finally drifting out of consciousness was a gift, meaning she no longer had to rethink the many mistakes and missteps of the day and could hide in the sweet oblivion instead.

 

\---

 

A faint knock could be heard, the sound of a small fist hitting against the TARDIS door echoing inside it.

 

Opening her eyes one by one, The Doctor  groaned as she started regaining consciousness, her limbs painfully stiff from sitting upon the floor for so long. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out, but she certainly felt a lot better than when she fell asleep.

 

Suddenly realizing that someone was knocking on the door outside, The Doctor hurried to get up on her feet, running up to the doors and opening one of them.

 

Staring out the door, it was to her immense surprise that she discovered that Victoria was standing on the other side. The girl, still a little red in the face from her earlier session of crying, was staring up at The Doctor with her big, dark eyes, hand raised half-way to knock again.

 

“Victoria” The Doctor says it soft, kind, as gentle as she possibly could so she would not scare the girl once more.

 

“It’s really you. You’re really The Doctor.” Victoria breathed, her eyes wide as she stepped closer, almost touching The Doctor. “I thought you wouldn’t come back.”

 

The Doctor smiled once more, a genuine feeling of happiness settling in her chest. “ _ Of course  _ I came back! I wouldn’t forget you!” The Doctor exclaimed, her face scrunching up in a way she couldn’t really explain, except that she might be slipping back to him, to Victoria’s Doctor. Acting like him, even though she was someone new, because that’s what Victoria had always known. “Come here, Victoria” she smiled, opening her arms wide and offering the clearly distressed former companion a hug.

 

It was a palpable tension in the air as The Doctor waited for Victoria to either accept or refuse her offer to hold her. She wanted nothing more than for Victoria to accept the hug,but she knew she couldn’t force her. Finally, Victoria made her decision.

 

“Doctor!” Victoria exclaimed, her voice tearful and broken as she threw herself at the other woman, wrapping her arms around the The Doctor’s waist and squeezing it tightly. 

 

Maternal instincts kicking in, The Doctor pulled her even closer, holding Victoria’s shaking body against her own as Victoria  cried into her chest. “There, there, everything is alright Victoria.” 

 

“No! It’s not alright! You and Jamie left and I knew I’d never see you again and that was  _ fine”   _ Victoria paused, and The Doctor found herself suddenly struggling for air as she heard Victoria’s heartbreaking testimony. “But now you  _ are _ back. Alone. And different. And...and I don’t want to go with you! I don’t want to leave Mr and Mrs.Harris, but I also don’t want to leave  _ you _ !” Her voice was frustrated, and somehow The Doctor could tell how she was feeling. 

 

Victoria didn’t want to return to traveling with her. The Doctor understood that - life in the TARDIS just wasn’t for her, and that was fine. But at the same time, Victoria did not want The Doctor to leave her. She wasn’t ready to see the little wizard take off in her magical blue box again quite yet, knowing that she might never see her again.

 

“I’m sorry Victoria. I don't expect you to travel with me again, but I don’t know what to do. I can’t stay here forever, you know that.” The Doctor looked down at her daughter of sorts apologetically. Her hands were tied. No matter how badly she wanted to, there was no way The Doctor could stay in one place. Not even for Victoria.

 

“I know Doctor, and I would never ask you to!” Victoria replied, her voice even more frustrated than before. She was frowning and there was a restless worry in her eyes. “But...I just wish...oh, I don’t know... I want to be in the TARDIS! Just once more…” Suddenly, Victoria looked up at The Doctor.  Her eyes were wide, looking as though she’d just realized something. “Maybe I can be in the TARDIS, Doctor? Without taking off. Just a little while...I could walk around! See my room and the kitchen and the swimming pool again!” She was smiling now, slowly growing more excited over having found a middle way between her two uncombinable wishes.

 

“So, you figured you’ll just take a look around. Spend some time in the old girl just like you used to back in the days, but with the TARDIS still safely parked within walking distance from your house?” The Doctor asked, taking a step back and leaning against the aforementioned vehicle.

 

“Oh yes please!” Victoria exclaimed, nodding enthusiastically. “That is, if you’d let me?” She looked at The Doctor, suddenly a lot more subdued, but a hopeful little smile remaining on her face.

 

Seeing it, The Doctor grinned, pushing the doors to the TARDIS open. “I’ll go put the kettle on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos & comments please! It's my motivation!


	21. Harry Sullivan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of struggles woth this chaoter. Harry and The Doctor's relationship was always a bit on edge, and I had a hard time envisioning their reunion. None the less, I mixed in some Harry/Sarah Jane shipping and here we are! 
> 
> Enjoy !

**Harry Sullivan**

 

“Excuse me, could I sit down here? All the other tables were full.” The Doctor smiled at the man who was sitting across from her, who smiled back politely.

 

“Of course you can, Miss.” The man’s eyes scanned the rest of the café, clearly taking notice of the several empty tables around them, but saying nothing. He was too polite to, The Doctor mused, just as her Harry oughta. Because sitting there in front of her was, in fact, her Harry. 

 

Doctor Harry Sullivan, the inventor of the invisible vaccines, which no public person would know existed for another five decades. By the time it all came spilling out, they’d honor him and praise him.  By the year two thousand one hundred and fifty four, he’d be a prominent figure in human history. Children would read of him, and mourn him when they found out about his unfortunate end.

 

The words ‘unfortunate end’ passing through her head makes The Doctor want to cry. Her throat closes up and she struggles to breath as she does all she possibly can not to breakdown sobbing in front of her former companion.

 

“Miss, are you alright?” The Doctor feels a warm hand landing on top of her own,the sensation bringing her out of her thoughts. She swallows heavily, trying to blink away the few tears despite all having escaped as she looked up at Harry's face.

 

His eyes were compassionate, the small frown on his lip betraying his worry. Such a sweet man he was, worrying about a random stranger who'd suddenly sat down next to him at a restaurant. Of course, she wasn’t a complete stranger, but he didn’t know that. Not yet.

 

She smiled mischievously. “I am fine, thank you. However, would it seem terribly rude of me if I admitted that I didn’t seat myself here because the restaurant was full, but rather because I’d like not to be alone for once?” She lifted an eyebrow in question, and prayed he wouldn’t take it the wrong way.

 

Ti her surprise, Harry laughed. It sounded almost like barking, and she associated it more with an excited puppy or young dog than a grown man. Nonetheless, it warmed her heart, making her think of how rare this moment was. Harry wasn’t a great laughter, and his ever-profesional core oftentimes keeping him from laughing much, it seemed, so to hear him bark at what he believed a stranger was impossibly rare.

 

The Doctor could not recall ever having heard him laugh like that in all the time he’d spent with ‘his’ Doctor. Sarah Jane would laugh, certainly, but never Harry. He’d just smile and maybe respond with a witty comment, but not much more. The Doctor always  figured he hadn’t liked her and their travels very much, and was more there for Sarah Jane than anything else. But then again, who wasn’t? Who wasn’t there simply for the sweet, loving presence of Sarah Jane Smith?

 

“I’d say, Miss, you certainly got a good sense of humour. Of course I noticed the empty tables, but I figured there is no harm in some good company. “ Harry smiled, retracting his hand from hers, seemingly considering something as he absentmindedly chewed on his lip. “Say,have I met you before?  I get this notion that i’ve seen that face of yours before, but I can not place it!” Harry sigh, seemingly frustrated with his inability to place her, and The Doctor wondered if he could hear both her hearts skipping a beat each as he spoke.

 

She hadn’t meant to meet Harry again. Never. Not in any way, shape or form. Of all her companions, past and present, she just couldn’t handle the thought of Harry. She couldn’t handle  _ the idea of seeing him again _ . 

 

But then, she spotted him sitting there in the cafe, and she had felt been scared, but determined. She’d seen the date and year on the news paper earlier, and knew how little time he had left. If the Doctor ever wanted to face Harry, it had to be there and then.

 

She had a few hours at most, if it hadn’t  happened already. If he hadn’t gotten the call, calling him away on an undercover mission from which he’d never return.

 

Getting along with him is so much easier than she ever thought it would be, and when he asks if he knows her, she’s not sure if she should tell the truth. 

 

Finally, she sigh, and smile. “Yes. You do know me. I tied you up with a skipping rope and hang you upside down in a closet. Somehow I don’t think you found it as funny as I did!” She explains, laughing as she go along. The Doctor didn’t know why she’d done it, but she’d been in the midst of post-regeneration madness, and at the time had seemed like a terrific idea. At least, that way he’d stopped being in her way. “Do you know who I am?” She leaned forward on her elbows, looking at Harry expectantly.

 

“No, I am afraid not.” He says kindly, smiling as always but clearly trying hard not to be condescending. “That description only matches one person I’ve ever known, and while he may be a man of many faces, he certainly is not you.”

 

The Doctor doesn’t even have it in her to be surprised. Of course Harry wouldn’t believe it was really her. Always so old-fashioned and practical, how would he understand that the gender boundaries was something that didn't actually exist? He wouldn't. He’d laugh her off and be done with it.

 

She wanted to leave. The Doctor wanted to stand up and walk out the door, never coming back. She wanted to run back to the TARDIS, cursing and screaming for days on end as she reminded herself why she promised to  _ never  _ come back for Harry Sullivan. Not ever, not in any of her lives. No.

  
  


And yet, she somehow didn’t. Tears welled up in her eyes and she struggled to swallow, trying to decide what to do, but finally she decided to give him a chance. One chance to understand her. “It really is me, Harry. The Doctor. I’m...I’m a woman. But still The Doctor.” She’s terrified. She never got along well with Harry, not as well as with others, and if he stood up and walked out on  _ her _ , she wouldn’t be surprised. “Came back for my imbecile, eventually.”

 

“Eventually was the word, Doctor.” Harry smiled, and The Doctor sighed. He believed her. The good navy Doctor thought she was The Doctor after all. “You know, I oughta punch you for what you did to Sarah, but somehow I don’t think she’d appreciate it.”

 

“She’d probably smack you back.” the Doctor agreed. She looked over at Harry, suddenly, violently Realising how much older he’d gotten. Grey hairs had started to spread through his sideburns and when he smiled small, almost invisible crows feet appeared. Still her Harry, but older. As old as he was ever going to be. The realization was sudden and overwhelming tears suddenly threatening in her eyes again. “Sarah Jane loves you, you know.” She offers him a watery smile, and she wonders if he’d ever believe her. She hopes so. 

 

“Oh, come on now Doctor. We both know there was only ever one love for Sarah Jane, and that was…” Harry and The Doctor look each other in the eyes, tense as they waited for the end of the sentence, but then...they speak, both of them, at the same time and the same thing.

 

“You” They both say, matching it exactly. Realising they’d said the same thing, they blink, swallow and try to understand what happened.

 

“Now Doctor I really don’t think…” Harry is blushing, horribly embarrassed as he tried to process what happened and what The Doctor had said.

 

“No.” The Doctor wasn’t failing this time. This time, Harry was going to understand. She was going to keep repeating the same message until the moment that he was convinced. “Sarah Jane loved you. She always thought she loved me, but when she came back to Earth she came back to her senses. I promise you that she loves you!”

 

Hearing his words, Harry smile, but it's lopsided and his eyes are glassy and red rimmed. The Doctor has never seen Harry cry, and she doesn’t know what she will do if he does. “Guess we will never know, will we, Doctor? Sarah is stubborn old girl. I don’t...I don’t think she’ll ever say I love you to anyone. At least not to me, at any rate...even if it was true.” Tears glitter on his cheeks, and The Doctor realize the ever so strong Harry Sullivan has actually begun to cry. Breaking down at thought of the only woman he ever loved not reciprocating his feelings.

 

“I’m sorry” The Doctor says, reaching out to grab onto Harry’s hands and squeezing them. “That you will never know how much Sarah Jane truly loves you. That you will not believe me when I tell you this. Harry, Sarah Jane will never have the time and courage to say it to your face, but she loves you.” She is acutely aware that she is talking too much, saying too many things, but looking at the timelines she knows there is only so many things that she can change, only so much that can come from a few choice words on love. 

 

Harry looked shocked, almost appalled, and The Doctor could tell he wanted to answer her, but lacked the words. Just as he gathered enough words to try, a waitress came running up to the table, asking for him and telling him that there was a call for him at the bar.

 

Giving The Doctor a single, weary look, Harry disappears inside. Following at the heels of the waitress, The Doctor soon watched his curly brown hair disappear among the crowds inside the restaurant.

 

He is, however, only gone for a few minutes before he comes running back to the table and The Doctor.

 

His face looks that of a ghost, his skin pale and eyes looking horrified when he turns to The Doctor. And as he turns to her, he lifts a finger and pointing accusingly. “You knew! You knew they were going to call!” He’s so angry that his hole body is shaking and he shouts far too loudly, but as the real gentleman he was, he still somehow manages to calmly sit down opposite The Doctor once more.

 

The Doctor looked away, not wanting to meet Harry’s accusing stare as he sat down. “I am from the future. Your future. I know more things than you’ll learn in a lifetime, and that’s limiting it to all that is in your future yet.” she glances over at him, and she sees that there’s an exhausted sort of sadness on his face, rather than anger.

 

“You know I am going to die.” He says frankly, and The Doctor flinch. Harry didn’t do sugar coating, not even concerning his own death. “You know I’m not coming back from the assignment UNIT just told me they want me to go on.”

 

“Harry you know I can’t…” She tries to dodge the question, but he grab on to her arm and force her to face him.

 

“No! You don’t that. I will die, and you will tell me that it is so.” His eyes are shining with rage, and The Doctor has never seen Harry acting the way he is now. It terrifies her, and she tries to pull back, but can not escape. “Tell me what happens to Sarah Jane when I am gone, Doctor” His voice trembles, and the rage is gone as soon as it came, tears appearing in its stead.

 

The Doctor sigh. A deep, abysmal sigh that empties her lungs completely. Then, she smiles. It’s bitter and her eyes are so dead that no one can believe that real happiness was behind it. “She cries. For days, she cries. Weeks even. And then she is lonely. So very, very lonely” She thinks of her, of Sarah Jane Smith’s face when she met her again in her tenth incarnation. The abandon and the hurt had been more than she would ever have expected. “But in the end, she gets back on her feet. She, adopt two children, and start a family.”

 

“Children” Tears a flowing freely down Harry’s cheeks, but it’s impossible to tell if it’s happiness or hurt as he laughed. “Sarah Jane thinks children are rubbery. Her words, not mine.”

 

“And yet she get two. A boy, Luke, and a girl, Sky.” The Doctor continues, smiling. Her hands creep across the table and she take Harry’s hands in her own. “I’m sorry I can’t change what happens to you. I’m sorry I can’t lift away all that grief…” The word catches in her throat, and suddenly The Doctor is struggling to breath. “You are brilliant, Harry.” Her voice cracks and her words are slurred by tears and emotions, but The Doctor need to say it, because Harry deserved it.

 

“Do I have to die, Doctor? Is there really nothing that can be done to avoid it?” Harry asks her, tears no longer swelling over and his voice strong and certain. 

 

The Doctor doesn't answer, can’t find any words to answer  _ with,  _ and Harry singh, shaking his head.

 

“Sometimes, people must die. Horrible things must happen, for happiness to come further down the line. To be a sacrifice of Universe will never make you anything less than fantastic.” Finally finding words to speak, The Doctor grab on to Harry, pulling him close a kissing him on the forehead. When she was done, she let go, and ran.

 

She moved as fast as her feet would carry her, not bothering to suppress her tears of bpth hatred and joy as she disappeared out of Harry’s life.

 

The meeting has not gone the way she expected to. Simultaneously, it had gotten both better and worse than she expected. She had met him, and he had been fine with her.

 

But then her desperation had grown, and suddenly, she had told him that he was going to die. That he and Sarah Jane had so extremely little time together.

 

It had been a heavy, emotional conversation. She felt empty and exhausted from it all, but she was happy that she had gotten this one last chance to talk to the man that meant so much to her, and tell him just that.

 

Harry Sullivan may never get what he truly deserved, but The Doctor would be damned if she didn’t try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are worth a million kudos! Please take a minute out of the day to give me one if you ejoyed it! ❤


	22. Dodo Chaplet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Sooo, after what, 4 or 5 months? Oh my. So many many other fanfics. Well here is a new chapter anyway!

**Dorothea Chaplet:**

**_Dorothea ‘Dodo’ Chaplet_ ** _ was an English author born in 1947 in London. She spent her early years living in Shoreditch or Ealing. Little is known about her early life, but Dorothea has stated many times that she was orphaned at a young age, subsequently moving to central London to live with an elderly relative. More controversially, she has also spoken of how she ‘went missing’ in September 1965, not returning to London until July 1966. Although she refuses to talk about what happened during the mentioned period, she has often stated that ‘no one even noticed I was gone’. In February 1967, Dorothea Chaplet gave birth a daughter,  _ **_Eliza Anne Chaplet_ ** _. _

 

 _On May 24th 1972, Dorothea Chaplet debuted with the young adult novel_ ** _The runaway in space_** _. This would become the first book in the famous_ ** _Blue Box Chronicles_** _, a book series including a total of 40 books. Only the first 26 were written by Dorothea Chaplet._ _The remaining 14 books, also known as the_ ** _Second Travel Chronicles_** _, were written by Dorothea’s daughter Eliza and her granddaughter,_ ** _Anne Dorothea Chaplet Summer._**

 

* * *

 

The Doctor shifts from one foot to the other, nervous. Then, she checks the line. There’s another twelve people ahead of her, and though she made sure she’d be last one to reach the table, she wish it could be her turn sooner.

 

Her hands are sweaty, making the glossy cover of her first edition copy of  _ The Ark  _ slippery to hold. The Doctor keeps  dropping it, always catching it at the last minute. Suspicious of her odd behaviour, the man in front of her has been giving her weird looks for the last twenty minutes, but The Doctor ignored him. Considering the sorry state of his own budget copy of  _ The War Machines _ , he wouldn’t understand the value of what The Doctor carried anyway.

 

One by one, the people waiting in front of her start to leave. Some try to keep their cool, pretending as though an autograph from Dorothea Chaplet was not a big thing, but most people are unashamedly excited. Chattering with friends, smiling and waving around their books, they indulge in a sense of pride for the occasion. A few snap pictures of the title page for social media, intending to show the world what they had just gotten their hands on. It was the first book signing the author in question had done in years due to poor health, and everyone knew she might never do another one. That this little arrangement at a dusty bookshop in Bath might be the last time she ever appeared in public.

 

Only The Doctor knew that Dorothea Chaplet would do exactly 47 more book signings over the next 55 years until her death. 47 book signings and 16 more books written by the woman herself. Her daughter and granddaughter would then contribute to her heritage with no less than 14 books themselves, immortalising their own endeavors with the woman in the box. 

 

Together, they’d go down in history with  _ The Blue Box Chronicles _ , a collection of 40 books written by Dorothea, Eliza and Anne Chaplet. The golden trio of her ex-companion, and her daughter granddaughter.

 

The Doctor had read all the 26 books Dodo had written, as well as the 14 add-ons, and she loved every single one of them. _The Ark_ , however, would always be her favourite, with _The_ _O.K Corral_ coming at a close second.

 

Frowning, The Doctor thought maybe she should have brought that one instead...but on the other hand, that one wasn’t a first edition paperback. First edition paperbacks was the best to bring to signings, it showed how much you appreciated the author.

 

“Next person please” A bored female voice called out, pulling The Doctor out of her thoughts.

 

Looking up, she realized that the man in front of her and his dodgy mini pocket of  _ The War Machines  _ had moved on, leaving The Doctor the only customer left.

 

Holding her book tight, The Doctor took a deep, shuddering breath. Suddenly nervous,  she stepped forward slowly.

 

“Hello” She said sweetly, immediately regretting it because of how stupid it made her sound.

 

Dodo smiled patiently as she saw how nervous the other woman was, reaching out a hand in greeting. “Hello” She said, shacking the other woman‘s hand. “Why don’t you give me your book, and I’ll sign it for you?” She smiled, the same familiar toothy smile Dodo had always had. 

 

“Joan Smith” The Doctor said quickly, handing over the book with it’s glossy cover and elaborate picture if a Monoid. “I’m a huge fan, I’ve read all 26 of your books!” The Doctor grinned, trying and failing to contain her excitment.

 

“But I’ve only written 10 to date. You must be 16 books ahead of me.” Dodo replied, not missing a beat as she examined The Doctor’s book. “Haven’t written this one yet, either. I’ve been meaning to, but haven’t had the time. You should have taken it to a future me to sign.”

 

“Current you is perfectly fine, thank you.” The Doctor’s smile grew ridiculously big. By far, this was the easiest conversation she’d had with any of her former companions.

 

“So, tell me, are you a Doctor by any chance?” Dodo lifted an eyebrow, quickly writing down something inside The Doctor’s copy of the book. 

 

“Oh yes, maybe I should have mentioned that. My name is Joan, but my friends and foes call me The Doctor.” The Doctor smiled, feeling excited as she watched Dodo signing her book.

 

Barely able to keep up with the strang conversation, the woman overseeing the signing seemed quite nervous, bending down to whisper something in Dodo’s ear. Dodo, however, dismissed it with a laughter. “No no, she is not dangerous. She’s just an old friend. She likes to be a bit funny like this” Dodo smiled. “Isn’t that right, Joan? And tell me, do you still own a blue Police Box?” She asked, her fingers brushing over a stack of books next her. The top book had a glossy cover that showcased a blue police box parked on Wimbledon common. It was the revised edition of her very first book, ‘The runaway in space’. A tiny short novel about the first time she met Steven and The Doctor.

 

The Doctor smiled happily, a large grin on her face. “I do! I still have the old girl. Just as beautiful as she always was.” Grinning, The Doctor picked up the book Dodo touched. “These are some really good designs! This is the revised edition of your first one, Yeah? I don’t think I own that yet.”

 

“It’s 12£ to buy it, but you’ll have to be quick. Miss Chaplet need to get on to her next signing.” The woman overseeing the sale ordered, slowly trying to pull Dodo away from her chair.

 

“Yes, yes, I’m leaving. I just have to hand her back her book.” Smiling Dodo reached out and gave back the book to  The Doctor. “Hope you like my note” She winked, followong the saleswoman as she led her away from the signing table towards the back of the store.

 

With her book in hand, The Doctor watched Dodo leave. Though she hated that their encounter had been so brief, it had all gone down better than she could have expected. When Dodo left, The Doctor had felt as though it was his fault. That he made her angry or pushed her too hard, and therefore she left.  

 

Therefor, she had also expected hostility when she met her again. But despite the fact that Dodo had obviously recognised her for who she was, there had been no hostility. 

 

Slowly opening her first edition copy of  _ The Arc _ , The Doctor read the inscription inside.

 

**_To Joan Smith from Dorothea Chaplet. I am glad you enjoy my books, and thank you for having given me the inspiration to begin with. If you’d like to meet once more, call me: 070 267 124 0_ **

 

The Doctor stared at the page, reading the description over and over again another three times until she was certain that she had read the message right.

 

Then, with shaking hands, she brought out her phone and opened the textmessage.

 

* * *

 

**The Doctor [4:30 PM]:** Dorothea Chaplet?

 

**Dodo Chaplet [6:15 PM]:** Yes?

 

**The Doctor [6:16 PM]:** oh. Correct number. Well yes its me the doctor you told me to call so I

 

**The Doctor [6:17 PM]:** Texted

 

**Dodo Chaplet [7:00 PM]:** Does that mean you want to meet? Talk. See me. Or?

 

**The Doctor [7:10 PM]:** Yes. I’d love to. 

 

**Dodo Chaplet [8:50 PM]:** I missed you Doctor. I really did. A lot.

 

**The Doctor [9:00 PM]:** I missed you too, Dodo. I missed you too.


End file.
